“You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst…Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give you rest.” these words come from a song written by John Michael Talbot titled Be Not Afraid. These days…after months of major changes, it could be my theme song. I have felt so defeated. Worn and weary. So weary that I have become afraid.
Afraid of not being enough. Afraid of not having enough. Afraid of losing more family members and relationships. Afraid that people won’t like me or think I am not doing enough. I have been wounded by people I called friends. Hurt by people I call family. And I feel like I have been abandoned on the road of life by those I thought would forever travel it with me.
WHERE did this spirit of FEAR come from? I know exactly where it comes from…the evil one. For a spirit of fear does not come from God. I know this…in my head, but sometimes wrapping my heart around it is a different story.
When I recognized that I was in this state, I knew that the only way to win the battle was to replace the fear and lies with spiritual truths. I read my Bible. I tried to pray. But, honestly, I had reached the point where I no longer felt I even knew HOW to pray. I felt the words were hollow and meaningless. Did God even hear me? Of course, he did. But I feel like he didn’t.
Maybe I’m not alone and you feel like you can’t pray either. Maybe you would benefit from listening to Be Not Afraid. If you can’t see the video, please click here. Another thing that is helping me through this season is a prayer app on my phone called Abide. Hundreds of prayers on various topics and themes. It helps me, when I can’t pray myself. You can find it here. And if you use it, be sure to turn on the music! It is soothing and I find it enhances the experience.
Writing in this space has been far from regular. As I ease back into it,
I pray you find encouragement and hope, as I walk this unfamiliar and rocky road.