the quiet, early moments of the day that it hits me.  Time will end. I will not be here.  What will I have left behind?  Why now? Why am I thinking of this today? I don’t know…last night I went out with some girlfriends for a birthday celebration.  Just a few of us, but I was the oldest…I am almost 50.  The birthday girl was turning 40.  They all have children 13 or younger – note: children = multiple kids; me? I have one, ONLY ONE and he is a young adult. Making his own choices.  Why am I so melancholy this morning?  I don’t know, but I DO know this…I have but one life and I cannot live it with regret.  I did the best I knew how, when it came to raising my son.  My husband and I tried to raise him to be a good Christian, moral person, raised in church…and hoped that he would see Christ reflected in our daily life and in our home.  But I have realized that there is NO GUARANTEE.  No rule that says…”raise children in XYZ way and you get XYZ result.”  Nope, no guarantees…BUT…I did get a smile when he took his first step, I cried when I dropped him at kindergarten (he didn’t), my heart hurt when he had to learn that everyone wasn’t kind…some kids were just mean, but that too is part of life.  I was thrilled when he got into the high school he soooo wanted to attend and even more excited when he got into the college of his choice…but saddened when he decided it wasn’t for him and chose another path.  But…these are his choices and his life.  It is NOT my life…not anymore…MY life lies before ME, waiting for ME to make choices that are right for me.  You know, I think one of the hardest parts of parenting…growing up myself, letting go…letting kids make their own way, find their own path and as a Mom…find a new way for me.
So…I am thankful for my “younger” friends…those that share their lives and their children with me.  Girls that give hugs, girls that tell me knock-knock jokes, boys with puppy-dog eyes that quietly, subtly let me know they like me, boys that I am watching grow into young men, that no longer look like the “child” I met a few years ago…
Life is good…different, but good.  My child is growing up, making his own choices…not necessarily bad choices, just different choices than I imagined – but, that doesn’t make them bad!  Who ever said I had ALL the answers?
So…thank you Lord, for this lesson in growing older.  This lesson in change…Thank you for the friends that you have given me in this place I now live, in this place I am trying to call home.  Thank you for my son, for the joy he brings to me as I watch him grow older and make his own way.  I can see that you are working in his life and I thank you for that.  Thank you for this beautiful day and the opportunity to have another chance to live for You, to share Your message with someone today…please help me Lord, to be Jesus to those I meet today…
Oooo…just a bit melancholy today…but, it is a stage of life I guess…what about you?  What stage are you in?  What changes are you making?


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