Multitude of Gratitude

by Mary Bonner | Aug 23, 2010 | Uncategorized | 6 comments

Praise the LORD.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Psalm 106:1

His love endures forever…and ever…and ever. I find myself thinking that being thankful just isn’t enough for all the blessings I have in my life. Living a life of thankfulness and thankful purpose is what I am trying to do. Follow the purpose laid out before me, the purpose He would have me follow. One of the way I do this is participating in Ann’s gratitude community.

Adding to my list…
252. a great first week on the new job.
253. wonderful weekend in a National Park.
254. God’s beauty all around.
255. learning to accept AND APPRECIATE that which I cannot change.
256. safety while on the road.
257. wildflowers.
258. forgiveness…both received and given.
259. the liberating feeling that comes with #255.
260. new challenges.
261. beautiful sunrise.

Last week, I started my new job back at the college. Fun week, no big challenge I couldn’t handle…this week might be different, not at work but at school – for me. You may or may not have read and/or remember that I took at class at the community college in the spring. I never graduated from college and I thought it would be a good time to go back. The spring semester wasn’t that hard. I took a Human Resources class I found fascinating and the instructor was really good. This fall I am taking a Financial Accounting class…why? Why that class? Simple really…if I am going to eventually finish a business degree it is required AND it is available on Wednesday night. A significant requirement for me right now. It starts this week and I am having second thoughts. Wondering if I should really be doing this. Wondering WHY am I doing this?

Last Thursday, John and I went camping in Shenandoah National Park. I have mentioned before that we enjoy camping and I really love the National Parks. We can be in Shenandoah in less than 5 hours. The purpose of this trip was so my husband could bike Skyline Drive. Yes, all 105 miles of it. So we left on Thursday afternoon. Our favorite campground is at mile 22 and on Friday morning I took him back to the Front Royal entrance at mile 0 (actually the Ranger Station is 0.6) and left him. Here he is getting ready to leave. After we prayed together before he took off. He prayed the most beautiful prayer for the day…Tomorrow I will share some more pictures. The sunrise picture above I took on the way to drop John off…it was a beautiful sunrise! I then went back and had breakfast. This was my view during breakfast…nothing but me, the Lord, the quiet and the woods…it was great! I hope you have a wonderful day and find a moment to say thank you Lord!

Lord, thank you for wonderful weekend and the opportunity to enjoy your handiwork. Thank you for the moments of grace and forgiveness I felt and received during the weekend. Please be with me as I go about my day…and this week. I am a bit frightened…of both the known and the unknown. Please give me the assurance I need to know I am making the right decision OR give me a clear sign that I need to do something different. Lord, I ask that you be with all the kids and parents starting school today or this week…homeschool or otherwise, please lead them, guide them and protect them…thank you again for the blessings in my life.

What did you do with your weekend…what are you thankful for today?

6 Comments

-t- on August 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Your gratitude list is as beautiful as the sunrise… both bringing Him glory 🙂
Am grateful you had a fabulous trip & great first week of work.

Isaiah 26:3,4
You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Reply
Dianne on August 23, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Dear Mary,
Wow! This post is packed with great blessing–I rejoice with you in almost all of them. Some of them I am a wee bit envious of–no, just kidding, although that sunrise is something to be coveted.

Mary, as a former educator and one who loves learning, I would ask you this to ask of yourself: Why are you doing back to school? Truly answer that for yourself–it is okay to pursue a lifelong dream if that is what it is or to do it for better pay or a better job.

Just be sure your motives are ones that you are proud of–anything less and it truly is not worth it–spend your time doing the things you love and what God intends for you. Knowing the answers to all of these questions won't be easy but God will provide them for you.

And remember, there is no disgrace in NOT finishing college.

I hope I have given you some Godly advice to reflect on.

Love,
Dianne
Reply
Misty on August 23, 2010 at 5:10 pm

mary, i love hearing about your willingness to be purposeful in your gratitude and to live your life towards it. inspiring. also, biking 105 miles? insane! but waht our bodies are able to handle!
forgiveness/forgiving is on my list today, too. it is the supreme grace, isn't it?
Reply
mom2six on August 23, 2010 at 6:14 pm

I love your photos! I have been wanting to go camping lately. Maybe September or October when it has cooled down here.

I like #260 – new challenges. I am facing some of those myself. Allowing God to stretch me, stepping out in faith, taking the risk, trusting Him every step.

Hope you have a great week and may God give you clear discernment.
Reply
Natalie on August 24, 2010 at 1:53 am

Wow, what a beautiful place! My husband and I are not outdoorsy at all. I want to be, I really do! I appreciate the beauty but love the comforts of indoors 🙂 Tom used to bike long distance too- he once rode from Boston to NY- all this BC (Before Children!)

I will pray for your peace and clarity about school!
Reply
Annesta on August 24, 2010 at 1:53 am

Mary,
What a beautiful post today. You are doing so much…a new job, going to school, traveling…just amazing! I celebrate with you and join you in gratitude for accepting what you can not change. That is huge!
Have a great week, my friend! Looking forward to reading more of your blessings.
~a
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor