One of the…

by Mary Bonner | Mar 13, 2012 | Uncategorized | 15 comments

greatest blessings in my life…is my husband. He lives this verse everyday.

Husbands, love your wives,

just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Ephesians 5:25a

I feel like a BIG failure when I start thinking about how my “wife” skills compare to his “husband” skills. He shows his love for me in everyday ways. Last weekend, I woke up on Saturday morning sick. Chills, my head ached, stomach ached, I ached all over! I never got out of my pajamas, except to shower and put on a clean pair. I didn’t leave the house – at all – all weekend. I didn’t even go to church.

He took care of me all weekend.

He went to the store.

He made me chicken soup.

He did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.

He did all of those things…because he loved me.

And I felt his love. I hope that he feels my love for him and that I can find more ways to show him.

We will celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary in May.

John, I love you! Very much!!

When was the last time you SHOWED your spouse you loved them?

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15 Comments

Tereasa on March 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

What a precious tribute to your husband! That is exactly what men need, respect and adoration. Thank you for a beautiful example!
Reply
Kathleen on March 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

I agree!! He is great. John is one of my favorite people. I'm pretty sure he's feeling just as lucky as you! You're pretty special too.
Reply
Meredith on March 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Oh I do the same thing — compare my husbands love and care toward me to my own toward him… and I am usually chagrined and determined to show him love in a more concrete way.

This is beautiful.
I am so sorry that you were sick! It's quite a. . . humbling and eye opening experiencing , being weakened in some way.

Right now I am dealing with a shoulder injury, and the prognosis (waiting for tests and results) is a torn rotator cuff – so I have been rendered pretty much useless. So I understand this!
Reply
Katie Orr on March 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

I feel the same way! I am blessed to have an amazing husband, who loves me so well.

Came home yesterday to a clean house…he even made the bed! He knows the messiness stresses me out.

What a great way to honor your man!
Reply
Tara on March 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

I can feel that way too, like my ways don't match up with his…I try to remember that we love differently is all. And I want to be quicker to sing his praises too. Just as you did here…love it.
Reply
Dianne on March 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

What a wonderful testimony to John–

Just hearing you talk about him thrills my heart.

Congratulations on your 29th anniversary–hoping you enjoy many more precious years with your John.

Love,
D.
Reply
sheila kimball...passionate about Jesus, the healer of our hearts on March 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Hi Mary — enjoyed your post about your wonderful husband. And can relate, although I have only been married since July! Michael is a dream of a godly man, who loves God with all he is and loves me dearly. God is good, especially after many chapters of darkness in both of our pasts. After Jesus, all our longings end in each other. We even named our website and blog http://www.longingsend.com

BTW, I loved the idea of your monthly family prayer group. Michael and I would love to get involved in a small group like that here in the Hudson Vally.

Also, was nice to find another 50something blogger amidst all the younger mommy blogs! Saw your comment on Gypsy Mama.

Thanks for letting me share and God bless you…sheila
Reply
Sarah on March 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Such sweet words! We often see how truly loving other are when we ourselves are weak.
Reply
Jean Wise on March 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

What a wonderful honor for him. Just this am, I thanked God once again for my hubby – so loyal, solid and grounded. Love your blog list on the side panel too. We follow many of the same ones.
Reply
Denise J. Hughes on March 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I hope you're feeling better! This is a wonderful testimony to your husband. I am so thankful for the many ways my husband has shown care for me.

(I see you're going to Allume! Me too!)
Reply
Beth Zimmerman on March 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I needed this reminder. I have struggled mightily with depression for quite a while now. (Think I'm finally coming out the other side, praise God!) And I know that it has hurt not just myself but my family. My husband has tried so hard to be patient, supportive, loving, and my words have said thank you … but my actions? I'm not so sure. Time to step it up!
Reply
Cherry on March 13, 2012 at 7:13 pm

So wonderful to be blessed with a loving husband – I am also blessed with the one God has given me. He does the same things as your husband does. We have so much to be thankful for. Visiting from Write It, Girl!
Reply
Tammy_Skipper on March 14, 2012 at 3:38 am

It really is important to recognize how our spouses like to show us love…and to know how they like it shown to them. Congrats on 29 years and prayers that you are feeling better!
Reply
Thoughts for the day on March 14, 2012 at 5:01 am

Very sweet, I am sure he knew you appreciated it all.
Reply
Nancy on March 15, 2012 at 2:44 am

Mary, what a sweet tribute to your hubby….I have one of those two and I am so thankful just as you are…..
Surely, they are a gift from God…..
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor