A new building is being built on the campus of the college where I work. And it is being built right in front of my building. When I went back to work last week, after being off most of the summer, there was a big hole and a pile of dirt inside the construction fence. But I didn’t see any work being done any day that I was there.
The equipment sat in the same place.
Day in. Day out.
I finally asked someone in the know what was going on and she said that they hit rock. And they had to get approval to spend the additional money to remove the rock. They got the approval and today the work started again.
When I left this afternoon, this is what I saw.
A big pile of rocks.
The rocks are buried in the ground. And they use a punch like thing to break the rocks up and haul them out of the hole.
While they are buried in the dirt they are large. Quite large in fact.
These boulders remind me of sawdust in our eyes referenced in Matthew 7. It is easy to be blinded by the issues of others…or the issues we perceive others to have. Yet, we too easily miss our own issues.
After all, we are not as bad as them.
Jesus didn’t and doesn’t see it that way. Last I checked, Jesus said “he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” John 8 (I paraphrased.)
Then he stooped and wrote on the ground. I wonder what he wrote.
Maybe it was something like…”her sin is visible. Public. She got caught and everyone can see it. Would you like your sins to be public? Visible? For EVERYONE to see…not just me?”
I doubt, seriously, that he wrote such a thing, but we as Christians seem to think we need to rank sins and we decide that some are worse than others. Usually the ones we think are really bad, well, it is usually the ones that can be seen. Yet, Jesus died for all sins…not just the public, visible, oops, I got caught sins.
Not only did he DIE for those sins, he can and will FORGIVE those sins.
And I don’t think it is my place to pass judgment on those sinners. I am not saying that these public sins are OK. They are not. But my sins are mostly hidden.
You don’t see them. And I wouldn’t want you to…but they are sins.
Just like the woman caught in adultery. She was forgiven.
Just like the thief on the cross. He was forgiven.
And I can be forgiven. No matter what my sin.
And don’t think God won’t use sinners…remember Moses? He killed an Egyptian, buried him in the sand and the Lord still used him. (Exodus 2)
As Christians, we need to clean up the garbage in our own life before trying to clean up the garbage in someone else’s life.
I am not saying these things are not sins, I believe they are. I am saying that God forgives ALL sins and as Christians we should get in the business of loving and forgiving. Not judging and condemning. If we are not careful, the pile of rocks in our life might just stop the work altogether.
I think Jesus was fair when he needed to be, firm when he needed to be and accepting when he needed to be. HE did not skirt around words so as to not 'offend' someone. HE told truth and HE was direct. Change and sin no more. That is pretty 'black and white'. There are alot of grey areas in the realm of 'believing' but JESUS let us know if we take the time to read, the TRUTH and what he required of us.
Mary… fellow Grace giver… and grasper… I love this! So much truth! I always love to ponder what it was the Jesus scrawled out in the dirt as well… I remember reading a verse in Jeremiah 17 that says that 'Those who depart from Me shall be written in the earth.' and I sometimes envision Him writing out names of sins… knowing the onlookers knew which ones were theirs. All speculation of course – but what we DO know is that – every time – Jesus extended grace… He showed us that Love DOES… and He offered a way out!
This is really great, as I can be so quick to judge. What is that saying? "Don't hate me because I sin differently than you." Thankfully, we can all be forgiven. Great post, Mary.
Mary, this is so wise and I love how you took what you saw and wrote about it, and reminded us how the rocks/sins in our lives can stop our growth…if we are really focusing on our sins before God, I don't think we will have the inclination to judge someone else…hugs to you, my friend 🙂
You have no idea how much this just spoke to me and some "issues" I've been caught up in lately. Thank you for reminding me that I definitely wouldn't want my sins on display. I'm your neighbor at Crystal's today!
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Thank you, Mary. I'm humbled.
Sheila, your post was really, REALLY good!
I think Jesus was fair when he needed to be, firm when he needed to be and accepting when he needed to be. HE did not skirt around words so as to not 'offend' someone. HE told truth and HE was direct. Change and sin no more. That is pretty 'black and white'. There are alot of grey areas in the realm of 'believing' but JESUS let us know if we take the time to read, the TRUTH and what he required of us.
I also believe he let us know the truth. I further believe we are to forgive. Thank you for your comment.
Mary… fellow Grace giver… and grasper… I love this! So much truth! I always love to ponder what it was the Jesus scrawled out in the dirt as well… I remember reading a verse in Jeremiah 17 that says that 'Those who depart from Me shall be written in the earth.' and I sometimes envision Him writing out names of sins… knowing the onlookers knew which ones were theirs. All speculation of course – but what we DO know is that – every time – Jesus extended grace… He showed us that Love DOES… and He offered a way out!
Oh, bless you Karrilee! He does show love and grace…and a way out. Thank you for stopping by and encouraging me.
This is really great, as I can be so quick to judge. What is that saying? "Don't hate me because I sin differently than you." Thankfully, we can all be forgiven. Great post, Mary.
Yes, Kathleen, we CAN ALL be forgiven…just one of God's many gifts to us!
Mary,
this is so wise and I love how you took what you saw and wrote about it, and reminded us how the rocks/sins in our lives can stop our growth…if we are really focusing on our sins before God, I don't think we will have the inclination to judge someone else…hugs to you, my friend 🙂
Well, Dolly, I don't know about wise – but kind of you to say so – I was certainly out of my comfort zone with this post. Hugs to you too!
Thank you for calling us to the place of wrestling this one out, Mary. I appreciate you.
Thank you, Jennifer. I appreciate you too. This was a very hard post for me to write. Thank you for taking the time to read it.
You have no idea how much this just spoke to me and some "issues" I've been caught up in lately. Thank you for reminding me that I definitely wouldn't want my sins on display. I'm your neighbor at Crystal's today!
Hi Lindsey! Welcome…and I am thankful that the Lord used my words to speak to you.