In the same way, let your light shine before others,
that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
Back in May John and I travelled to Great Smoky Mountain National Park. We have been there many times and do much the same activities when we are there. This time when I was driving to the visitor center to meet John, I saw a sign for Little Greenbrier School. You turned into this little picnic area, crossed a one lane bridge and drove about a mile and there was the turn to the school. There is also a sign clearly stating that the road is narrow and to be prepared to back up if you meet a car. (I wish I’d of taken a picture of that sign.) I decided that I wasn’t too keen on trying to back up on a curvy, narrow, rocky road….I would wait and ask John to come back with me. The next day, we went back. As we arrived at the parking lot there were several cars and it was obviously a trail head, but there were no people around. It was SO. QUIET. You could hear the noise of the woods.
I assume the blackboard was put up later and not from the 1800s! I was struck by how plain and simple things were inside. This desk and table were in one corner.
This desk is slightly out of focus, but you can still see how HARD it would be to sit on!
There was a cemetery on the grounds…
Little Greenbrier School building has a story to tell, but no one is there to voice the story. Wikipedia has some information about it. But I believe there is a lot of information that is lost.
When I leave this world, what information will be lost? I certainly don’t claim to be very smart, but I hope I live my life so that people can see Jesus in me. That they can see good things and glorify my Father in heaven.
Lord, thank you for the past. For the things we learn from the past and from our ancestors. Please help me to live my life in such a manner that when I am gone people will know that I belonged to You. Father, please be with the people that are on my heart and need you in a special way today. Be with my blogging friends that have family issues, children moving away, friends sick and dying. Lord, please comfort them and give them peace.
Have a good day…what story are you leaving behind?
I, like you, hope that I am leaving a legacy of dependence upon God–that my children and grandchildren will know that God was my only hope. What will I do today to foster that concept?? Thanks for the gentle reminder.
I love you dear friend and thank you for your prayers. D.
I love these kinds of places where we can take a peek into a different time. I wonder what people will remember about me, and will I have made a difference.
Mary – Like Dianne the word legacy keeps popping into my mind. Will my children and grandchildren know God is what I cling to tightly. Prayerfully they will do the same.
You, your prayers, they make a difference. Thank you!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
When I tell people that I am a VA (Virtual Assistant) often they want to know what I DO. And I tell them that I mostly deal with details. Managing the things (details) that creative people do not see themselves as “good at.” Budgets, remembering dates, creating schedules and timelines, gathering data and information, making sure they get paid, etc. A few years ago, I took on my first social media influencer client. And after working for 5 years with only faith-based clients, social media was a different world! I learned how to navigate that world and now my social media clients are among my favorites. In fact, I let go of most of my other clients to allow more time to work with the influencers. One of the faith-based clients I kept is @kriscamealy of @refineretreat
I have known Kris for 10 years and worked with her on Refine for, I don’t know…maybe 6. Kris recognizes the importance of rest and soul-care that enables us to create better and more meaningful content. Allows us to be more present for our families, clients, and our businesses.
Whether we are writing in our journal, painting on a canvas, creating paid content for a social media outlet, sitting at a pottery wheel, whatever the creative outlet we must tend to our souls. We must rest. We must learn to pause.
#Soulcare is not optional in this world in which we live. We must learn to stop so that we are able to go. We can run at a break-neck, full-tilt speed for a while but at some point, we will crash.
If you are looking for a way to slow down and take a weekend to care for yourself and your soul, check out @refineretreat. Maybe Refine isn’t for you. That is ok. But if you think this only applies to faith-based work, check out @lindsaynead ‘s post from April 19. Lindsay is an amazing businesswoman and she recognizes the power of slowing down. Of stopping. Of resting. She took a break and found herself better for it.
I, like you, hope that I am leaving a legacy of dependence upon God–that my children and grandchildren will know that God was my only hope. What will I do today to foster that concept?? Thanks for the gentle reminder.
I love you dear friend and thank you for your prayers.
D.
I love these kinds of places where we can take a peek into a different time. I wonder what people will remember about me, and will I have made a difference.
Mary – Like Dianne the word legacy keeps popping into my mind. Will my children and grandchildren know God is what I cling to tightly. Prayerfully they will do the same.
You, your prayers, they make a difference. Thank you!
P/S – Love the pictures!