5 minute Friday…

by Mary Bonner | Jul 6, 2012 | Uncategorized | 20 comments

Some Fridays I join Lisa-Jo for her 5 minute Friday link-up.

Every Friday more than 100 bloggers write for 5 minutes unedited on a word prompt given by Lisa-Jo. No backtracking, no editing, no changes…just write.
Check it out…give it a try…it’s a lot of fun and a good way to just WRITE!

Today’s word prompt: STORY
GO
Everybody has one, but you can’t tell what it is just by looking. A family with one child may have lost many.
A family with a big house and fancy cars may have been down and out a some point in time.
No, a story cannot be told by looking at the outside, at the cover, at just what is visible.
A story is what’s inside. What makes you you and me me.

My story is unique. It is painful. It is wonderful. It is sad. It is happy.
But…it is MINE. It makes me who I am and who I am is truly amazing.
My story begins when He gave me the courage to step out in faith and believe that ALL things work together for good.
That HE knows the plans he has for me. Plans to prosper, not to harm.
My story changes daily, but stays the same.
It’s glorious uniqueness is so fascinating that I cannot put it into words. But I try…because it is the only way I know to share the blessings he has given me as I walk the path that makes my story.
STOP
I don’t think this is my best 5 minute Friday friends…but I am desperately trying to get back into the habit of writing. Thanks for reading!
Go here to read other 5 minute Friday posts on STORY.

20 Comments

Amy on July 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

Your "best" is your courage to just do it. He flows free and I clearly see His grace. It's your worship, friend.

And that story of yours, it began even before you believed–those days have purpose, too.

Rich blessings as He leads you closer to His heart.

(visiting today from Lisa-Jo's place)
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 10:47 am
  
  Thank you so much for the encouragement, Amy!
  Reply
Mindy @ New Equus - A New Creation on July 6, 2012 at 11:02 am

Mary…this is awesome! There's no rust on you, girl! Love it. 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 11:40 am
  
  Thanks, Mindy. Sometimes I feel rusty! 🙂
  Reply
Katie on July 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

When I sat down to write my post this morning, the first thing that came to mind was the fact that my story is already written and His plan for me is already in place. I'm glad you were able to write about that very fact this morning, as I couldn't quite put it into words!

I love the way you said, "because it is the only way I know to share the blessings He has given me as I walk the path that makes my story.". When we walk the path and relax and enjoy His plan, life is at it's finest, isn't it?

Thank you for sharing your beautiful words today, and also for the encouragement on my blog!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 11:40 am
  
  You are so welcome Katie…and thank you for encouraging me!
  Reply
LuAnne on July 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

This was a beautiful post – love this line: "My story changes daily, but stays the same."

Thanks for sharing!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 11:41 am
  
  Thanks for stopping by LuAnne!
  Reply
Linda Stoll on July 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

I love that our stories are still in progress, and that much of them are hidden and unknown to prying eyes … until we choose to share portions of them here and there, 'that it may benefit those who listen'!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 11:41 am
  
  It is the in progress part that I forget sometimes.
  
  Thanks for stopping by!
  Reply
ells on July 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Writing is not just about the flow of words…but the life and truth in the words…I love what you said here…yes each story unique…one He is writing each moment of our lives…continue to tell your story …of His blessings in your life. have a great weekend~
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm
  
  He does write each moment and that is the beautiful mystery. Thanks for stopping by.
  Reply
Nikki @ Simplystriving on July 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

"My story changes daily, but stays the same."
I LOVE That! Worth pondering…
You do have a magnificent story, Mary. What a gift! So grateful you're willing to share it with us. thank you.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 10:00 pm
  
  Oh Nikki, thank you so much!
  Reply
Dionne on July 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Hey, all of us feel like our writing is not as fabulous, but I always love reading your blog. Keep writing…please! You NEVER know who you are encouraging.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 10:00 pm
  
  Dionne, you are so encouraging to me! Thank you.
  Reply
Melanie on July 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Mary, I love this!!!! I agree with Dionne, Keep WRITING. You are such a joy and your writing is a gift. Many blessings to you, sweet friend.

hugs,
Melanie 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 6, 2012 at 10:03 pm
  
  Thank you…I am humbled by the encouraging words left in the comments today and yours are extra special.
  Reply
Dolly @Soulstops on July 8, 2012 at 5:21 am

this line caught me:"My story begins when He gave me the courage to step out in faith and believe that ALL things work together for good." So grateful you followed His leading, and that you are writing, and blessing us as you share your story…Thank you, and Happy Weekend, Mary 🙂
Reply
Anonymous on July 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I really like what I read on your blog today. You are so right about our stories – they are part of His story. 🙂
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor