5 minute Friday…

by Mary Bonner | Jun 14, 2013 | Uncategorized | 11 comments

It is that time again when I join Lisa-Jo and hundreds of others writing for just 5 minutes. No backtracking. No editing. Just uninhibited writing on the word prompt supplied by Lisa-Jo.

TODAY’S PROMPT: Listen

There are so many voices in my head. LOUD voices. They tell me to do this.

Follow that.

Go here. Go there.

It seems to be a never ending cacophony.

It is only when I slow down. When I stop moving. When I listen…carefully, that I can begin to distinguish the good from the bad.

The right from the wrong.

The light from the dark.

And it is in those moments when I am still. Those moments when I stop that His voice comes through. That His will is distinguishable. That His voice is truly heard.

Sometimes He asks me to do things that I don’t want to do. Because they are hard…or different…or uncomfortable. Or just not what I want to do at the time. It is usually in those times that things don’t go well.

Listening to my will…my voice…doing things my way. Not good.

Listening to His voice…doing His will…much better.

Lord, you are asking me to step out in faith and stretch myself and I am SCARED. TO. DEATH. But I am listening and I am trying to be faithful. Please give me the courage to continue listening and even more courage to follow you.

STOP

Read other 5 minute writings on Listen here.

I also have a post on the ALLUME blog today…kind of along these same lines.
You can read that here, if you are interested.

11 Comments

Kris on June 14, 2013 at 11:32 am

this, Mary: " Sometimes He asks me to do things that I don't want to do. Because they are hard…or different…or uncomfortable." How well I know this place. I have heard Him calling me into unknown territory lately, and it is scary when I think abotu it, but when I remember that He is trustworthy, that He is FOR me, then I am able to take each trembling step, believing that He will walk with me. He goes with you, my friend. Obedience is the better place. Praying for you, Love you
Reply
Mary Bonner on June 14, 2013 at 12:06 pm

Oh, Kris…thank you for your encouragement. Do you sense a recurring theme with me?? 🙂
Reply
1 of the Creekside Team on June 14, 2013 at 12:34 pm

oh yes, Mary … the raucous din does nothing to draw us to Himself …

Linda
Reply
Mia De Vries on June 14, 2013 at 1:02 pm

Dear Mary
I don't know if it is the same with you, but I have found that when my heart is in a hurry, especially trying to be pleasing to our Pappa, then I am stone deaf and cannot hear a single word our Lord Jesus is saying! Oh, that we would just be still, listen and hear!
Much love XX
Mia
Reply
Christy Willard on June 14, 2013 at 3:20 pm

There are a lot of voices in my head, too. I call it chatter and sometimes it drives me crazy! You are so right, that we cannot hear Him thru the chatter. We cannot distinguish His will from our own unless we quiet ourselves.

Christy @ A Heartening Life
http://www.ahearteninglife.com
Reply
Dolly@Soulstops on June 14, 2013 at 3:58 pm

Dear Mary,
Oh, I can so relate to the struggle to be still and to listen for His voice, and then to obey. Yes, it is always better in the long run, even though it may be harder in the short run, to obey. Praying God gives you courage and peace as you follow Him. Deut. 31:8…praying along with you, my friend 🙂
Reply
Deidra Riggs on June 14, 2013 at 10:28 pm

I know that feeling, Mary. I don't know how we get past being so afraid, and get to trusting God, unless we simply go ahead and do that crazy thing God keeps bugging us about. Love you, girlfriend! (See you in SC!)
Reply
Jacque Watkins on June 14, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Scared is the best place to be, not because fear has any power but because we know it is not in our power but His alone what He accomplishes in our surrender. And there is nothing more fulfilling than walking the path of obedience with Him. Sending prayers and much love to you and you move forward, and a big hug and a fist bump too 🙂 xo
Reply
Krista on June 15, 2013 at 4:35 am

Whether it's kids or God, we have to slow down to listen don't we? Counter cultural!
Reply
BARBIE on June 15, 2013 at 6:02 am

Some days I wish God would just shout at me and get my attention, but I know He wants me to lean to discern His voice above all of the other voices. Beautiful post my friend!
Reply
Suzanne McClendon on June 17, 2013 at 3:57 am

This is where I am at, too, having to trust and being scared to death. But, it is something that I need to do, no matter how afraid of the outcome I am. I don't do well with the unknown.

Thank you for your post. Have a blessed week.
Reply

Submit a Comment Cancel reply

Meet Mary

Social Media

Get Updates

Instagram Fun

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor

Jun 3

Open

Every June I think I'm going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don't know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor

When I tell people that I am a VA (Virtual Assistant) often they want to know what I DO. And I tell them that I mostly deal with details. Managing the things (details) that creative people do not see themselves as “good at.” Budgets, remembering dates, creating schedules and timelines, gathering data and information, making sure they get paid, etc. A few years ago, I took on my first social media influencer client. And after working for 5 years with only faith-based clients, social media was a different world! I learned how to navigate that world and now my social media clients are among my favorites. In fact, I let go of most of my other clients to allow more time to work with the influencers. One of the faith-based clients I kept is @kriscamealy of @refineretreat

I have known Kris for 10 years and worked with her on Refine for, I don’t know…maybe 6. Kris recognizes the importance of rest and soul-care that enables us to create better and more meaningful content. Allows us to be more present for our families, clients, and our businesses.

Whether we are writing in our journal, painting on a canvas, creating paid content for a social media outlet, sitting at a pottery wheel, whatever the creative outlet we must tend to our souls. We must rest. We must learn to pause.

#Soulcare is not optional in this world in which we live. We must learn to stop so that we are able to go. We can run at a break-neck, full-tilt speed for a while but at some point, we will crash.

If you are looking for a way to slow down and take a weekend to care for yourself and your soul, check out @refineretreat. Maybe Refine isn’t for you. That is ok. But if you think this only applies to faith-based work, check out @lindsaynead ‘s post from April 19. Lindsay is an amazing businesswoman and she recognizes the power of slowing down. Of stopping. Of resting. She took a break and found herself better for it.

Soul care isn’t optional, it is essential.

Apr 29

Open