5 minute Friday…

by Mary Bonner | Jan 11, 2013 | Uncategorized | 19 comments

There is this
great encourager in the blogosphere named Lisa-Jo Baker. On Fridays
she writes, unedited for 5 minutes and invites others to join her in the
quest to write without fear of anything…just write. Most weeks I
play along.

If you have never participated, give it a try. The rules are simple. Check them out and get the button code here.

Today’s prompt: DIVE

Diving Maldives:Smallscale Scorpionfish (Scorpaenopsis oxycephala)

image credit

I have started several times now to write about dive…but I can’t come up with any words that make sense. To me…or to you.

Dive…dive into the water. High dive. Nose dive. Scuba dive.

Scuba dive…deep into the water to see what treasures lie below the surface. What lies on the ocean floor that cannot be seen unless you DIVE down to see it?

I image a lot of things are down there…treasures just waiting to be found and I don’t mean money or jewels.

I wonder what treasures are waiting for me in my life if I will just DIVE into life like He wants me to. Dive into his word. Dive into my prayer life.

Dive in…find the treasures. Dig them up. Bring them to the surface and check them out in the daylight.

You know, Holley and a group of bloggers are writing about their dreams. I sent Holley a message…I don’t even know what my dream is. She responded with wise words.

So, I will dive into life. Dive into what I have and maybe, just maybe I’ll find a treasure buried below the surface.

19 Comments

Wendy on January 11, 2013 at 5:35 am

Oh friend…praying that when you do dive in that God just blesses your socks off with all He has for you there. So love your heart. Blessings.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 1:11 pm
  
  Thank you for your prayers, Wendy!!
  Reply
Nikki @ Simplystriving on January 11, 2013 at 6:17 am

Girl, look at you! up late and touching my heart!

I have a super short/long story I could share with you sometime about what a wise woman said to me a couple weeks ago. . .if you want the whole story, let me know. but to sum up, when she asked me what my God-sized dream was, and I shot all around not sure what to say…she said, "Nikki, what do you want God to say to you when you meet face-to-face? THAT should always be your God-sized dream…"

I like it. (which is what inspired my post a bit)
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 1:13 pm
  
  Up late…yeah, I actually went to bed, slept for a little got woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. THAT is why I was up. Too late to join the twitter party, although I heard you were trending!
  
  I like what you/she says about what a God-sized dream should be. Thanks for stopping by my dear friend.
  Reply
Alia Joy on January 11, 2013 at 6:21 am

I love how so many of these posts are tying in our God sized dreams or seeking of them or fear of them or our excitement over them with the gentle nudge to dive in. I think God has a conspiracy going between Holley and Lisa Jo's prompts. He's telling us something.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 1:13 pm
  
  You know, I think you are onto something about that conspiracy theory!!
  Reply
BARBIE on January 11, 2013 at 6:54 am

Oh girl, this is beautiful. There are so many treasures just waiting to be found, if we would only dive in. I don't know what my dream is either. I don't know what to do to find it.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 1:14 pm
  
  Oh, Barbie, here is Holley's response to me " "God, I'm open to whatever you have for me" and you see what He brings. He is the best dream of all."
  
  That is what I am praying…I am waiting for him to show me and trying to be open to everything he has to offer.
  
  Praying for you my friend.
  Reply
Mia De Vries on January 11, 2013 at 10:10 am

Dear Mary
Yes, at times life does seem empty, but let us dive into the empty winter seasons as well, knowing that underneath the surface new life is growing!
Much love XX
Mia
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 1:15 pm
  
  Oh, Mia I love what you say about diving into the winter seasons. Yes! That is what I want to do. Blessing to you sister.
  Reply
Kathleen on January 11, 2013 at 12:37 pm

Beautiful thoughts on the word Mary. Praying for a safe and happy landing on your "dive".
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 1:16 pm
  
  Thanks, Kathleen. I am sure my landing will be safe, just not sure how happy the journey will be!! But it is the difficulties that refine and sharpen us.
  Reply
Dolly@Soulstops on January 11, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Dear Mary,
I appreciate you diving into this post, and sharing your heart, my friend. Wasn't Holley's post so encouraging? Our greatest treasure is relationship with Him, and He will guide us along the way to even greater depths…Hugs to you 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 8:00 pm
  
  Yes, Dolly, he will guide us to greater depths and I need to trust that I can go there with his help.
  Reply
Dianne on January 11, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Mary, oh how I loved this post–Nikki's comment helped me realize what my God-sized dream is because I can only do it consistently with His strength–

When I meet him face to face, I want Him to say–"Well done my good and faithful servant–you have sought me with your whole heart all of your life."

I did not know that til just now–What that woman said to Nikki is one of the wisest things I've ever heart in my almost 70 years of living.

Bless you, Mary.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 8:01 pm
  
  Oh, my friend…so glad to know my words ministered to you. Your words always minister to me. And Nikki's words…yes, they are so true.
  Reply
missindeedy.com on January 11, 2013 at 7:14 pm

I am totally encouraged to dive right in to not only chasing my dream, but to my prayer life, as well. There are so many undiscovered areas where a little more diving are needed. Loved this!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 11, 2013 at 8:01 pm
  
  Thank you!
  Reply
Janis Cox on January 13, 2013 at 2:45 am

OH like this very much. Yes – that is what I have decided for this year – LIVE, enjoy – and dive into things wholeheartedly.

Blessings,
Janis
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor