5 Minute Friday…PRESENT

by Mary Bonner | Jul 12, 2013 | Uncategorized | 22 comments

Joining Lisa-Jo and many others for…

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

Today’s word: PRESENT

GO

Try as I might, I cannot think of anything useful to type here in this space for 5 minute Friday. Verbally – truly out loud – while sitting at my desk I say, “Lord, I give these words to you.”

I look out the window, then wind is causing the green leaves of the trees to blow and sway.

Back and forth. It just might rain later today.

I realize that being present is often just looking at the here and now. At this moment. ONLY this moment.

As I gaze across the desk, over the orchid that is not blooming, out the window I am reminded that the present is good.

The present is where I need to focus. I cannot change the past.

I cannot predict the future.

I can only seize and live the present.

Lord, today I will strive to appreciate every moment of this day. To focus on the present and not the future. Help me to remember that you are here…with me…in the THIS moment…ready to hold my hand if I will but reach for you.

Being present in the moment is something I work on a lot, because I have a tendency to always make plans…and I am not in charge. I have a tendency to try and orchestrate things. So this was a really good word for me today! Thank you, Lisa-Jo!

STOP

Do you find it hard to focus on the present?

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22 Comments

Denise on July 12, 2013 at 12:49 pm

He is with you always, may you feel His presence.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:38 am
  
  thank you, denise!
  Reply
Mia De Vries on July 12, 2013 at 12:52 pm

Dear Mary
The present moment is all we ever have, dear friend! I think the secret lies in drawing close to Jesus every second of every moment and learn how to live even now in eternity where time is in any case a created thing!
Blessings XX
Mia
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:38 am
  
  You are right, Mia…the present moment is all we have. I like your secret!
  Reply
BARBIE on July 12, 2013 at 2:24 pm

I had a hard time with this one too, probably because I was busy off somewhere thinking about the future 🙂 Lovely prayer at the end. Have a blessed weekend!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:39 am
  
  Barbie, you have been on my mind so much lately. I've been praying for you my friend.
  Reply
shandraharris on July 12, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Ah, the future. Where I seem to spend w-a-y too much time lately. Love it, Shandra http://shandraharris.wordpress.com/2013/07/11/five-minute-friday-present/
Tweet to: @shandra_lee
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:39 am
  
  It is easy for us to do that.
  Reply
Crystal Stine on July 12, 2013 at 5:43 pm

I love the simplicity of just taking a moment to look around and record "now." Whatever it looks like, to be aware.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:40 am
  
  Crystal!! I am so honored that you stopped by. Thank you.
  Reply
Dolly@Soulstops on July 12, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Dear Mary,
I can so relate…it is a discipline I am learning…ever so slowly…to be fully in the present moment and aware of His presence with me…Happy Friday to you, my friend 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:40 am
  
  Oh friend…I know you can relate. Hope you had a good weekend.
  Reply
Amy Tilson on July 12, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Look at you with all these good words that you didn't have to put out here! This is lovely. There is something that truly speaks to me about the orchid that isn't blooming. That's kind of how I feel right now and you have captured it! I think this was meant just for me today, friend! Thank you!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:41 am
  
  Well, Amy, aren't you sweet! I've had blooms on that orchid before but not for a couple of year. Glad this ministered to you.
  Reply
Nancy on July 12, 2013 at 9:52 pm

You may have started with no words on the thought but God surely filled your mind with a wonderful lesson…Staying in the present can be hard for me so when I get reminders, such as your post today, I bring my attention back to the present to see what He's showing me….
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:41 am
  
  Thank you, Nancy. You are always so encouraging to me.
  Reply
Dionne on July 12, 2013 at 11:16 pm

For me-living in the present isn't hard, but it is not being distracted in the present that gets me :). Hugs to you Mary!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:42 am
  
  Not being distracted in the present…yes! that is hard for me too.
  Reply
Ashley Ditto on July 13, 2013 at 12:56 am

I love your beautiful words!! And your lovely blog!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:42 am
  
  thank you Ashley!
  Reply
Anita Ojeda on July 13, 2013 at 4:56 am

Yep. Focusing on the present is HARD work! But practicing daily certainly helps :). Photography has helped me focus on the present and really see all of the echoes of God's love as I see a sunrise or a sunset, a beautiful flower, a curious-looking insect, storm clouds rolling across the sky…
Reply
- Mary Bonner on July 15, 2013 at 11:42 am
  
  Practice does help and I can see where photography would help too.
  Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor