What an invitation!! “Come to me…you will find rest for your souls…” Why, as Christians do we find it so hard to accept this invitation? Or…maybe we accept it, but we don’t embrace it. Max Lucado wrote, “As long as Jesus is one of many options, he is no option.” My dad, a Baptist minister, used to say, “As long as He is not Lord OF all, He is not Lord AT all.” He didn’t die on the cross for our sins, to give us redemption and salvation sometimes…when it is convenient for us…this is not a part-time job for the Lord…it is an all-time job for the Lord! But…as humans, we try to work things out ourselves; we fill our lives with other things trying to satisfy our longings and needs. But, HE is the one that can shoulder our burdens, HE is the one that can work out our troubles, HE is the true Savior of the world…why do we look to other things and people to do these things for us?
Jesus is the true Way, the true Truth and the true Life. Yet, we so often wait until the storms of life are so violently raging about us before we reach for his hand. Why do we wait until it seems like there is no other way? WHY??? AND…one of the most wonderful things about this relationship? He is very forgiving…he is waiting in the midst of the storm to take our hand, to pull us out of the depths of our misery, to pick us up and carry us…he is waiting, willing and wanting to help…why do we hold back?
Lord, you know what is in my heart. You know what is scaring me. Please, Lord, help me let go, help me to reach for your hand and let you shoulder this burden. Help me to move past the “when I am desperate stage” and get to where I can leave IT totally and completely in your hands…all the time, every minute of every day. You can take care of all my problems and I know that…intellectually…I just need to embrace that heart-fully. Lord as the members of our parish make the parish retreat this year, open their hearts to the many blessings and teachings you have for them this weekend. Especially be with my son, Andy, as he makes this retreat. Guide him, Lord. Help him to let go of the things that are bothering him and to embrace the things you have for him. Guide him in your paths…the paths in which he was raised…be a lamp unto his feet and a light unto his path. Thank you, Lord, for the miracles I know you will work in my life, in his life and the lives of the retreatants and those reading this blog. Be especially with those that have asked me to pray for them…you and I both know who they are. Thank you Lord. Amen.
Are the storms of your life tormenting you? Have they made you weary and burdened? What a wonderful invitation we have to take His yoke upon us, to lean on him…
Mary333…I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to write. I started this blog as a method to get my thoughts on paper That others will read, comment and find it meaningful is an even bigger blessing. Thank you.
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Beautifully written, Mary.
Where two or three gather in His name….
thank you Stacey…for everything!
Thanks, Mary, your posts make for beautiful Lenten meditations. I pray the Lord continues to inspire your heart and bless you in your writing.
Mary333…I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to write. I started this blog as a method to get my thoughts on paper That others will read, comment and find it meaningful is an even bigger blessing. Thank you.
Amen Mary, Amen!