Can I just say…

by Mary Bonner | Apr 13, 2012 | Uncategorized | 43 comments

I might be crazy! I am going SO outside my box today!! I have decided to join

That’s right! I am joining a blog party. SO not like me. But it sounds like fun and I am interested in meeting some new Christian bloggers. And there are all kinds of blogs. You can check it out here.

A little bit about me…my husband got transferred and we moved to the east coast almost 5 years ago. AFTER living in the same house in the Midwest for almost 25 years. The east coast – what a difference from the Midwest!

I am married to my best friend and we will celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. I love being married to him! I have one, living child who is 24. He lives at home, works and goes to school part-time. I am active in my church and I work part-time at a local college. I enjoy the being outdoors, especially at the beach or in the mountains! You can read about my daughter here.

I began blogging more as a spiritual journal…reflections of my daily quiet time. I feel like the Lord might be leading me in a slightly different direction and I am trying to discern exactly where I should go. I am thinking this blog party is part of the journey! *smile*

Please leave me a comment telling me you were here, so I can check your blog too!

I would love to have you follow me or subscribe to my blog. I can also be found on Twitter @TheMaryBonner. Be sure to leave a comment so that I can visit your blog and I’ll return the follow.

So, I am jumping in with both feet…Yikes! Let the party begin….Oh, and so you can have a face to go with the blog and name…this is me!

Oh and…

Enter to win a $25 Target gift card by leaving a comment on this post. Following this blog gets you an extra entry, be sure to leave an extra comment. This giveaway will be open through 4/20 and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator. Please make sure that I am able to reply by e-mail to your comment or leave your e-mail in the comment in case you win!

43 Comments

Nancy on April 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Didn't you do a nice job? I did this last year and accidentally linked my blog in the blogs with product giveaways category. I think I made a lot of people mad! Oh well. Live and learn! Have fun meeting new bloggers!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm
  
  "Didn't you do a nice job?" What a nice thing to say! Especially since you are such a GREAT writer. Thank you.
  Reply
Kathleen on April 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Good for you for stepping out of the box! Sounds like fun. But I need my blog instructor (ahem) teach me about linking up to things like this, how give-aways work, and so much more. I'm still a freshman after all! Have a great weekend Mary.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm
  
  As you know, I am always available to help! 🙂
  Reply
Tereasa on April 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Nice to meet you Mary! I've been here before and always enjoy it. So glad you decided to join the party!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm
  
  Thanks for visiting Tereasa!
  Reply
Nancy on April 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

It sounds like you have lots of fun ahead of you…I hope you meet lots of people that you "click with" and many new friendships will be formed…..I am already a member of your blog but I would love for you to visit my other blog
http://www.thegiftofamoment.blogspot.com….
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm
  
  The gift of a moment – what a great title! I did visit there and followed! Thank you for being such a faithful reader, Nancy!
  Reply
Regi:Create on April 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm

It's my first year with the blog party as well. I'm following now and looking forward to reading you. By the way… you have great hair. 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:05 am
  
  Thank you! I don't think anyone has ever told me I have great hair!
  Reply
GLENDA CHILDERS on April 13, 2012 at 11:55 pm

How fun to come to the party … and find a friend.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:06 am
  
  You know, you were the first place I heard about the party. Then I saw something about it on another site and decided maybe I should participate. Thank you for mentioning it! I am so glad I came!
  Reply
Deanna Kohlhofer on April 14, 2012 at 12:12 am

Isn't it great to get out of your comfort zone…a little? I'm so glad you did and I think we are going to be great friends!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:06 am
  
  Out of my comfort zone is tricky, but this sure is fun!
  Reply
Dorie on April 14, 2012 at 12:50 am

Hi Mary, it is nice to meet you. I'm so glad you stopped by my blog earlier today, and introduced yourself. East coast, eh? I'm an east coast gal:-) I, too, love being outside enjoying the beauty of creation. What a blessing to meet you today!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:06 am
  
  Thanks, Dorie. A blessing meeting you too!
  Reply
Meredith on April 14, 2012 at 1:50 am

Oh — I just loved getting to know you a little bit better!

THIS IS JUST TOO FUN! I am having a GREAT time reading through everyone's blogs!!!
Loved seeing a familiar face!! 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:07 am
  
  Familiar face, YES!!!
  Reply
BARBIE on April 14, 2012 at 3:37 am

Nice to meet you from the UBP! I love when I find other bloggers who are of similar age. I mean really, most of the blogs I follow still have little ones in diapers. So nice to "meet" you. I am following your blog and hope we can encourage one another along life's journey!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:07 am
  
  I am sure we can encourage each other. Thanks for stopping by.
  Reply
Kaye Swain - SandwichINK for Grandparents and Caregivers on April 14, 2012 at 4:47 am

What a fun visit for the Ultimate Blog Party. I love your gorgeous beach photo! And MEGA CONGRATS on your upcoming anniversary. What a wonderful example you are both setting! Have a blessed week.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:08 am
  
  Thanks, Kaye.
  Reply
Thoughts for the day on April 14, 2012 at 4:56 am

I love your blog and would love to meet you someday IN person. Shall we make that a goal??
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:08 am
  
  We SHOULD make that a goal. I've never been to Oregon, maybe someday I will get there!
  Reply
Shanda on April 14, 2012 at 5:23 am

Hi…came over here from the blog party. I look forward to getting to know you.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 14, 2012 at 10:09 am
  
  Thanks for stopping by. I have had so much fun visiting other blogs at this party.
  Reply
Ramona @pwconnect on April 15, 2012 at 12:40 am

Hi Mary! Nice to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you more. 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 17, 2012 at 10:53 am
  
  Hi Ramona, thanks for stopping by. I am off to check your blog!
  Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 17, 2012 at 10:55 am
  
  Hi Ramona,
  
  Thanks for stopping by!
  Reply
Cherry on April 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Coming by from UBP12 – and I enjoyed my visit here. I read about the loss of your daughter, too – so thankful for God's grace and mercy to carry us through the hard things of life.
Reply
My Journey With Candida on April 16, 2012 at 12:34 am

You gotta love target!! Very nice to meet you

terrylee5151 at aol.com
Reply
My Journey With Candida on April 16, 2012 at 12:36 am

Following and tweeted the giveaway.
https://twitter.com/#!/CandidaJourney/status/191686032813588480

I am also having a giveaway on my blog.
Mens Leather Wallet $47 value.
Reply
Beth on April 16, 2012 at 12:46 am

Coming from UBP12 and I'm glad I found your blog! Welcome to the party! If you haven't done so yet, please come visit me over at my blog! http://joeandbethany.blogspot.com/2012/04/ultimate-blog-party-2012.html I've been blogging about life in general. Family, motherhood, pregnancy, and what God's doing in my life as a wife and mother. I hope you enjoy this week and make some new friends! Thanks for the chance at winning the gift card! God Bless!
~Beth
Twitter: @bethanyev Email: bethanyev(at)gmail(dot)com
Reply
Gail Purath on April 16, 2012 at 1:11 am

Hi, Mary. I found you via UBP. Love your title and verse for your blog and glad you thought outside your box to hook up with UBP. I'd love to have you stop by and meet me here: http://biblelovenotes.blogspot.com/p/ultimate-blog-party.html
And since you talk about journaling, I'd love for you to link up a post about journaling (past or present) on my latest journal link up here: http://biblelovenotes.blogspot.com/2012/04/journal-is-verb.html
or at least leave a comment.
I'm a new follower.
Bless you! Gail
Reply
Laura Rath on April 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Mary, you did better than I did! I planned to join UBP, but since writing an about me page kind of freaks me out, I haven't joined. I am thinking about the page though and realize it's something I should do. So, maybe next year. 🙂
Good to get to know you,
Laura
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 17, 2012 at 11:01 am
  
  It's not too late Laura! You can always arrive fashionably late! 🙂 So glad you stopped by.
  Reply
Cascia Talbert on April 16, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Nice to "meet" you! Just dropping by from The Ultimate Blog Party I am looking forward to networking with you and getting to know you better! I hope you have the opportunity to visit our blog! http://www.thehealthymoms.net/2012/04/ultimate-blog-party-2012.html
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 17, 2012 at 11:04 am
  
  Hi Cascia, I did check out your blog…what a LOT of information. Thanks for stopping by.
  Reply
deb on April 16, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Hi Mary, I love your site! I often say it is difficult to find bloggers who are just out there sharing their walk with the Lord through daily posts. Your posts are beautifully written with beautiful photographs. I looking forward to getting to know you. Blessings!!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on April 17, 2012 at 10:51 am
  
  Thank you so much, Deb. I checked out your blog and left a comment. Thanks for stopping by.
  Reply
Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend on April 17, 2012 at 1:25 am

So love your blog…love meeting new friends….

So much fun party hopping….meeting new friends and finding old ones…I just added another great prize to my giveaways…so now you have 3 good prizes…I would love for you to win. A comment is all it takes..Hope you will also stop by my Pinterest boards….I have over 900
http://pinterest.com/tpowell2/

Teresa

http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/

http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com/
Reply
Janice on April 23, 2012 at 3:18 am

I am still going through UBP and enjoyed reading your blog. It is good to meet other Christian bloggers. Keep up the great work.

http://drawingthelinesomewhere.com
Reply
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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor