Don’t borrow trouble…

by Mary Bonner | Feb 27, 2012 | Uncategorized | 13 comments

At once the Spirit sent him out into the wilderness,
and he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan.

He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

Mark 1:12-13

Do you realize this verse immediately follows Jesus baptism? He is on earth, doing the will of his father, is baptized and the voice from heaven says something like “You are my son in whom I am well pleased.” And “at once” he is sent into the wilderness.

Hm…how many times in my life are things going well, I think I’ve got it under control (that “I’ve got it” might be part of the problem) and things begin to fall apart? Things begin to look not so pretty. Not so manageable. Not so nice. In fact, it looks rather messy.

The future isn’t something I can control. It is kind of like a wilderness. Satan is out there…waiting to tempt me. One of the biggest temptations I face in my personal life is borrowing trouble from tomorrow. We are told…

No test or temptation that comes your way

is beyond the course of what others have had to face.

All you need to remember is that God will never let you down;

he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit;

he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

I Corinthians 10:13

He’s got it. He can handle it. Sarah Young writes in Jesus Calling, February 26, page 59

“Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret.
When you try to figure out the future,
you are grasping at things that are Mine.
This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion:
doubting My promises to care for you.”

I have enough trouble with today, Lord. Please help me not to borrow trouble from tomorrow. Not to be tempted to wander into the wilderness of tomorrow and the troubles that await me there. Please help me bask in the glory and goodness of today. Help me to see the troubles that await me today as gifts from you. Gifts that you will demonstrate your love for me to me.

Do you borrow trouble from tomorrow? Joining Michelle for

13 Comments

Kathleen on February 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I definitely do! From tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that…..
Reply
Lisa notes... on February 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Yes, as a matter of fact I DO borrow trouble from tomorrow and I need all the reminders I can get to stop doing it. Thanks for being another one.

I prayed just yesterday morning that I would lay down my thinking that I "need" to know what the future will be. And yesterday my sister also mentioned the Jesus Calling book.

I need to get it back out today. Thank you for contributing to God's answer to my prayer.
Reply
Jen Ferguson on February 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I can resonate! But I love the words from Sarah Young — and I don't want to have a rebellious heart.
Reply
Dianne on February 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Thanks, Mary. This was really good.

I can think of one area in particular where this post will really help me today.

Yes, it is hard for us to really grasp that He wants us to cast ALL our care on Him and live in faith knowing htat He will take care of us.

Lord, teach us all not to wander into the" wilderness of tomorrow."
Reply
Lyli@3dLessons4Life on February 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm

This reminds me of the verse in Matthew 6 where Jesus tells the disciples not to worry and then points out, "Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Thanks for sharing — this post encouraged me today. 🙂
Reply
mom2six on February 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Helpful words here. Thank you.
Reply
Nancy on February 27, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I see you and Michelle are on the same page today! I'll say pretty much the same thing I said to her. I despise those wilderness experiences, because they really do force me to confront the reality that I'm not in control. And, boy do I love control. Yep. Borrowing trouble. That's exactly what it is.
Reply
GLENDA CHILDERS on February 27, 2012 at 4:17 pm

A great reminder.

Fondly,
Glenda
Reply
Desiray on February 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

In one way or another we bring our yesterday's into our today's. Tomorrow has enough of it's own so why bring it? A lesson in which we all at times struggle with but we have to some how begin to see things the way Jesus does and forget about it. Nothing we can do about it we can't change it it does not bring more years to our living if anything it takes and robs from us. Just be thankful for today and let tomorrow worry about it self.
Reply
Nancy on February 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

A message I needed to hear…..Thank you and the picture is absolutely beautiful….I love butterflies…and they do not worry about yesterday or tomorrow….
Reply
Amy Sullivan on February 27, 2012 at 6:26 pm

The funny thing is, if asked I would deny borrowing trouble, but when I stop sometimes I realize that's exactly what I do!
Reply
Deidra on February 27, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Yesterday in church, H asked us to raise our hands if we know how to worry. I was right there – hand raised. And then H said, if we know how to worry, we know how to meditate. Same concept. Different focus. One day I might figure it all out.
Reply
Michelle DeRusha on February 29, 2012 at 3:53 am

Hey Mary Lady, we are on the same page, writing about Jesus in the wildnerness this week. Love that! And thanks for helping me take my thinking to the next step {I am a worrier, you know that, right?!}
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor