Monday gratitude…

by Mary Bonner | Jan 3, 2011 | Uncategorized | 9 comments

God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them,

because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

I John 4:4

Continuing to add to my gratitude list…

389. new holiday experiences.

390. friends that share their children with us.

391. good weather for travelling.

392. a “B-” in Accounting I.

393. simple things.

394. time off from work.

395. getting things done around the house.

396. God’s MERCY.

397. His gift of ever-lasting life.

398. a new year.

399. basic necessities of life.

400. things I do not understand.

You can join the gratitude community at Ann’s place, click the button below to get started.

One of the things that I had to sacrifice when my Accounting I class got so difficult was daily blogging, thus my gratitude list got off track. I have read many blogs the last few days that talk about a word for the year. One was STRONG (as in STRONG in the Lord), one was INTENTIONAL (with time, blogging, parenting, etc.), one was PURPOSEFUL, you get the idea. I, however, am not ready to choose a word; had never given it any thought until recently, but I am ready to let go of that which I cannot change and cling to that which is know is STRONG and TRUE – my STRENGTH and my SHIELD.

The LORD is my strength and my shield;

My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;

Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,

And with my song I will praise Him.

Psalm 28:7

Lord, please help me to remember this today and throughout this year – You ARE my strength and my shield, my refuge, an ever present help in times of trouble and you are GREATER than the things of this world. The things I let take hold of my life and distract me from You and the things You want me to do. Please, Lord, help me to stay more focused on You and the things You would have me see, not the things that cloud my vision and cause me trouble, pain and worry. Thank you, Lord. With your help I know I can do these things.

Do you have a word for the year or a goal?

9 Comments

Karen on January 3, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Mary, "things I do not understand" we don't want those do we? But, He allows them so He can align us in the position of dependence. Thanks girl, for sharing & praying.
"Trust" is the word He has given to me.
Reply
Natalie on January 3, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I've been thinking about naming the year/a word for the year too. I'm actually working on a post about how I am trying to figure this out 🙂 I love your conclusion of clinging to Him!
Reply
Susan in SC on January 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Wonderful post! Psalm 28:7 is one of my favorites scriptures.
Reply
Dianna on January 3, 2011 at 6:33 pm

What a precious list you have today, Mary. Congratulations on that B in your Accounting I class! The one that stood out the most to me is #400…that you are thankful for the things you do not understand. What a beautiful illustration of true gratitude…of true counting these "gifts" from Him…the GIVER of ALL things in our lives…and because He's given them they are all GOOD…alas, even when we don't understand them.

Thanks for asking…I do have a word for 2011… Praise. It is the way I shall make it through 2011…both in days of pain and in carefree days. Because of His deep abiding joy I will praise Him in all circumstances…even when I don't understand anymore than the very fact that He means it for my good.

I also wanted to thank you, Mary, for calling my attention to the areas on my blog that weren't visible because of the black background. I appreciate it so much…they are corrected now. I worked with that so much this morning that I think some things weren't registering.

Have a wonderful week, my friend.
Reply
~ linda on January 3, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Mary,
First of all, I am so grateful that you visited my blog today for that led me to come here. Your prayer to the Lord is my prayer as well. And I will pray for you with your requests. He is our Strength and our Shield for which I am so thankful. I, too, need Him to be those for me.
I have been choosing a "word" for several years and it helps me to focus a bit more in an area where God directs my attention. This year, 2011, my word is "listen" … for I allow the busy-ness of the world to distract me from Him far too readily.
May He shower you, Mary, with blessings this day, ~ linda
Reply
Dianne on January 3, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Hey friend,
Congratulations on your "B" in accounting. That would be a major victory for me!

My theme for this year is living beyond myself. I want to do so much and do it His way but I know I cannot accomplish any of it unless I let Him do it through me.

Looking forward to sharing 2011 with you!

Love,
D.
Reply
Annesta on January 4, 2011 at 12:25 am

Congratulations friend! I have given a lot of thought to naming the year too. I haven't come up with a name although I am thinking "change" would be appropriate.
I really like what you say…"I am ready to let go of that which I cannot change and cling to that which is know is STRONG and TRUE – my STRENGTH and my SHIELD." It's a hard thing to do, sweet friend. I join you in prayer for the ability to stay focused on the one who gives us strength.
blessings
~a
Reply
Melanie on January 4, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Amen! He is far greater, and I cling to His promises.

I love your blog! It's so bright and cheery! 🙂

Blessings!
Melanie
Reply
Mary333 on January 5, 2011 at 2:06 am

I noticed that a lot of bloggers have chosen a word for the year, too. I haven't been on the computer much lately but I've already read a number of posts today about this. It's a good idea and something I'll have to think about.
Congratulations on the B in accounting!
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor