I experienced a myriad of emotions. I was anxious. Fearful. Happy. Sad. Afraid. Tearful. Tired. The list. Goes. On.
At times the conference was overwhelming. So much information. So little time to digest. More than once I went back to my room for some quiet time to let the Lord speak to me about the things I had heard.
Thursday afternoon I arrived at the Sheraton. I checked in. Freshened up a bit, then went to the registration area. I got my name badge and my tote bag. Almost like the Academy Awards…or at least what I have heard about the Academy Awards!
When I got back to my room and looked inside…it was FULL of stuff.
Books, blankets, notecards, jewelry…
I did not know anyone attending the conference in REAL LIFE. I had contacted two bloggers I knew online and asked about arranging a “meetup.” Meetups were scheduled for all kinds of groups, Moms of Boys, Moms of Daughters, Homeschooling Moms, etc.
One of the two people I arranged to meet was Stefanie…she is also sharing some of her thoughts on the conference. You might want to check it out.
She is as warm as that smile is big! I loved meeting her inRL (in Real Life.)
After visiting with Stefanie. I met a few other women that were Newbies, then I went back to my room to get ready for dinner and the opening of the conference.
At dinner, I walked into an already crowded banquet room. Noisy. Seriously noisy. Where was I going to sit? Who would I meet? Stefanie and I had parted ways and Michelle had not yet arrived at the conference. I chose a table and sat down by…
Shannon. Shannon immediately put me at ease. And guess what!?! She didn’t know anyone either! She had gotten her ticket late when someone couldn’t go at the last minute. Her husband drove her down with the family. I saw Shannon several times during the weekend and she was always wearing that beautiful smile.
There was one other person I connected with that evening. Christine. I don’t know how it happened, but I didn’t get a picture of her. She is a lovely lady that just radiates Christ’s presence in her face.
Stefanie found me. She said she had saved a seat for me. How sweet. We had not arranged that. She wanted to make sure I was OK. I was…God has sent me Christine & Shannon.
After the keynote address, I started back to my room. Someone sees me in the lobby and says…”Mary!” It was Michelle. I have been reading Michelle’s blog for sometime. She was the other person I had arranged to meet inRL. She had lost my number. It was somewhat comical…but she found me and we CONNECTED. I spent a lot of time with Michelle and I learned alot from her. She introduced me to two other women that were a joy to meet.
This was a truly amazing experience for me. I hope you enjoy reading about it.
What a blessing to be able to attend this event! Sounds like a great time and the pictures are awesome! I have never had the chance to meet another blogger in real life (guess I might have to wait until heaven, lol).
Grrrr….my comment just got erased! But anyway, was just saying that I love these pictures from the conference. And an absolute highlight for me was meeting you in person, Mary!
You are wonderful, WRITER friend (and I'm going to keep calling you that until you embrace it as the truth!!).
so thankful you were able to attend this conference ~ hopefully one day I can and we can meet too! You have been an inspiration to me. Your faithfulness to share God's word & your heart.
Mary, It was so nice meeting you at Relevant!! I loved hearing your stories and hearing how you are trying to be a blessing where you are. I'm glad we connected. Blessings to you in your writing and blogging!
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
What a blessing to be able to attend this event! Sounds like a great time and the pictures are awesome! I have never had the chance to meet another blogger in real life (guess I might have to wait until heaven, lol).
Well, I enjoyed living it–meeting you in real life! Thanks for writing this so I could re-live it. Blessings, new friend!
Grrrr….my comment just got erased! But anyway, was just saying that I love these pictures from the conference. And an absolute highlight for me was meeting you in person, Mary!
You are wonderful, WRITER friend (and I'm going to keep calling you that until you embrace it as the truth!!).
Mary, it was such a privilege to meet you at the newbies meet-up. Thanks for the tears and sharing your story. God bless you.
so thankful you were able to attend this conference ~ hopefully one day I can and we can meet too!
You have been an inspiration to me. Your faithfulness to share God's word & your heart.
Mary, It was so nice meeting you at Relevant!! I loved hearing your stories and hearing how you are trying to be a blessing where you are. I'm glad we connected. Blessings to you in your writing and blogging!
There was a newbies meet-up???
LOVED meeting you, Mary! You are amazing! Why am I not following you? What is wrong with me?? Fixing that right now!
Hey Mary,
I loved reading about "what could have been" and "what really did happen inRL for you at least.
Your blog is getting better and better and I too hope yu will embrace who you are as an anointed writer for the Lord.
Love you,
D.