My new Wednesday series…an announcement!

by Mary Bonner | Jan 2, 2013 | Uncategorized | 9 comments

There are times in our lives when working to achieve a healthy lifestyle seems like we are trying to climb an impossible mountain.

Trying to scale the side of a rock…straight up.

Trying to dream an impossible dream.

We feel defeated.

We think it cannot be done.

But…it can be done. We can scale that mountain side.

We can be VICTORIOUS.

But to achieve this goal,

we have to change our mindset.

I had shared that in order to achieve a healthy lifestyle we had to start today. It doesn’t matter how hard it seems or how much we want it…

change will not happen if we do NOT START!

So…beginning today and continuing most Wednesdays throughout the year I am going to be focusing on working towards a healthy lifestyle. And I am calling this series…

we can win! wednesdays

To start this series I want to share what I have found to be one of the most important things that I have learned in regards to achieving a healthy lifestyle.

I had to recognize and ADMIT that….

I have a weight problem.

I will ALWAYS have a weight problem.

To lose weight and maintain that weight loss

I must watch what I eat and exercise.

That does not mean that I do not have a life, that means that I must learn to manage my life and at the same time watch what I eat and exercise.

I read an article in the October 1999 issue of SHAPE magazine that changed my life. This article pointed out that to lose weight…

“you must stop making a distinction between dieting and your normal life.”

Since I believe that diets start on Monday morning and end around 2 o’clock Monday afternoon, when I was working for Weight Watchers I changed this to say…

“we must stop making a distinction between a healthy lifestyle and our normal life.”

Let’s personalize this…

“I, Mary Bonner, must stop making a distinction between a healthy lifestyle and my normal life.”

Once I accept that a healthy lifestyle and the choices associated with that lifestyle

is normal…it is WHAT. I. DO…it is part of WHO. I. AM….then I find it easier to stay focused.

When I began to see healthy lifestyle changes and choices as part of my normal, everyday life, I began to find it less stressful. Less offensive. Less difficult.

Once I ACCEPTED that I would always have a weight problem, then I could approach the entire process differently.

I try to make healthier food choices most of the time because I try to think of that as NORMAL.

I try to exercise most days because I try to think of that as NORMAL.

I try to limit sweets and I TRY (I’m not always successful!) to think of that as NORMAL.

A good piece of dark chocolate and a glass of red wine…that is NORMAL.

Daily sweet treats, like cakes and cookies…not normal.

A dozen chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven…that cannot be NORMAL! At least not for me.

Many of us have weight issues but a healthy lifestyle is not only about our weight.

Besides, thin or skinny people are not always healthy!

But…if you want to join me on this quest for a healthy lifestyle, you want to lose weight, you want to exercise, you want to CHANGE your lifestyle, then I encourage you to consider making this your mantra…

“I, your name , must stop making a distinction between a healthy lifestyle and my normal life.”

There is a peace that comes with acceptance. So, I encourage you to ACCEPT that healthy lifestyle takes work and for many of us, this does not just happen. And let’s remember that being skinny or thin does not necessarily make one healthy. We need to be eating right, getting some exercise and make more healthy choices than non-healthy choices.

This week, I encourage you to pray about this process of achieving a healthy lifestyle. Ask the Lord for guidance as you determine how to go about making better choices. Look around your kitchen, your office, your car…the places where you spend your time, the places you eat and determine if the food available is healthy. In the coming weeks we will examine 9 steps that I have found to be very helpful to me in my quest for a healthy lifestyle.

One last thing…take a minute to read Holl ey’s post. I missed the free book, but it was only $2.99, so I bought it. It is worth the money!

So…what do you think? Are you willing to make this your mantra? Are you willing to work towards making this your NORMAL life?

9 Comments

Dianne on January 2, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Hey Mary,
This is an awesome post and yes, I plan to join you on these Wednesdays. I am excited to make these wise choices a NORMAL part of my daily life.

Thank you for investing this time in helping us.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 2, 2013 at 5:41 pm
  
  Thank you, Dianne. This is such a much longer post than I normally have, I was afraid it was too long, but there was so much to say.
  
  I'll be praying for you on this journey!
  
  Love you, friend!!
  Reply
BARBIE on January 3, 2013 at 7:46 am

I plan to make Wednesdays my "healthy living" day on my blog, most weeks. Hoping I can join you here.
Reply
Denise J. Hughes on January 4, 2013 at 7:50 am

Oh, Mary, I am so with you. I really need to change my mindset about this. I'm so thankful you've started this series. I'm looking forward to reading more.

{HUGS}
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 10, 2013 at 12:00 pm
  
  Thanks, Denise.
  Reply
Dolly@Soulstops on January 5, 2013 at 5:45 am

ah, the power of one's thoughts…Thanks, Mary 🙂 Happy New Year to you 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 10, 2013 at 12:00 pm
  
  yes, Dolly…they are powerful!
  Reply
BARBIE on January 10, 2013 at 3:50 am

I am looking forward to joining you on Wednesdays after my fast! 🙂
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 10, 2013 at 12:01 pm
  
  I look forward to having you join me, Barbie…I'm praying for you.
  Reply

I'd love to hear your thoughts!Cancel reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor