The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:13-14 (NIV)
I believe this scripture passage is as true for me today, as it was for the children of Israel so many years ago…The Lord will fight for ME, if only I will be still! The Message phrases the last part like this: “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!” Telling someone to “shut-up” isn’t said in our house, yet I think that is what Moses is telling the children of Israel here. Will you just be QUIET!?! Will you just keep your mouth SHUT!?! Will you just be PATIENT!?! I cannot imagine how frustrated Moses must have gotten with this group of people, yet he pressed on…doing what he was called to do. By the way, to put this into context…Moses tells the children of Israel this when Pharoah’s army is pressing in on them. They are complaining it would have been better to stay in Egypt than to die in the desert. Then Moses tells them…”The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Shortly before they crossed the Red Sea on dry land. How often in my life do I need only to be still? Only to be quiet? Only to listen? Only to rest in Him? Him who knows all, sees all, listens to all and cares about all. Being still, being quiet, listening and resting…all will yield a much better outcome for me – no matter WHAT the situation – but, unfortunately for me, I don’t react that way as often as I should. No, I usually end up trying to handle it. Sometimes I wonder if the Lord doesn’t just shake his head and think, “Will she EVER learn? If she will let me do it the FIRST time, she could save herself so much trouble!”
I have a situation that has been troubling me for a few weeks. Slowly, I am letting it go, trying NOT to worry about it, trying to leave it in His hands, but then nagging thoughts creep back in and I find myself worrying again – not that I can do anything about it! It is TOTALLY out of my hands. Now, I am really trying to put this verse into action…because I feel my choice may be to shut up or die in the desert. And I don’t WANT to die in the desert! I WANT to live, free of worry about things that are out of my control, free to let go and let Him, free to enjoy the blessings and the life he has given me, my life may not be perfect…but it is my life, a gift from Him so I want to enjoy it. In the midst of my despair, I have to remember that The Faithful One has unbroken communion with the Father…He KNOWS everything and He SEES everything (past, present AND future), so He has a good idea of what to do!!!
Nothing occurs without the Father’s guidance, so if He is in control, I need to let go! The outcome will be much better than running my mouth and dying in the desert!
Lord, I am slowly getting it. Thank you for your patience with me. Little things that you reveal each day remind me that you ARE in control…thank you. I need those little re-assurances to calm me. Please continue to work in the situation that troubles me. Be with those I care about, especially my son. Keep him safe, help me to seek you and make good decisions. Thank you for the beautiful weather and my many blessings and thank you for those that take the time to read this…please bless them and their families. Be with all of those I have on my heart…
I hope you have a blessed day…are you the type to relinquish control easily or are you like me???
By the way, if you click on the scripture tag at the top right you can get your own…there is a large variety AND they are FREE!!!
Have a blessed day….
Thank you, Mary, for this very timely post…timely for me, at least! I have had a certain issue that I keep taking back…I keep holding on…if only I could give it up to Him. Please remember me in prayer. And thanks for sharing.
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Hi Mary! I could relate to this. I think it's hard for most people to relinquish contol. Like we know better than the God of all creation!
Thank you, Mary, for this very timely post…timely for me, at least! I have had a certain issue that I keep taking back…I keep holding on…if only I could give it up to Him. Please remember me in prayer. And thanks for sharing.
Awesome post! I needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing =) My God richly bless you and your family.
Awesome post! I needed to hear that! Thank you for sharing! May God richly bless you and your family.