The tension is so thick that I can’t possibly take another step. Vicious words have been flung across the room. Words that should never have been uttered.
But they were.
And they can’t be taken back.
Oh, sure…one can say “I’m sorry.” One can accept another’s apology…forgiving is hard, but forgetting? I think that is even harder.
Sometimes my tongue gets the best of me. I say things that I know I shouldn’t say. And I say them anyway.
I say them with complete abandon. And I feel terrible afterwards.
And the two most important roles in my life – that of wife and mother – those are the two I fail at the most. On a daily basis it seems. And these days? Well, I fail every minute.
And I believe I feel this way because of expectations I carry in my heart and mind. Things I hoped and believed would happen and come to pass. Now…20-30 years later, well, they didn’t happen.
And I am left to pick up the pieces.
As I reflect on this today I am reminded of these verses:
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I have to say that in the big scheme of things I know my problems are small. Minute in fact. But it doesn’t change the fact that they are BIG to me.
So, today I remind myself that my problems are momentary troubles. They are temporary and in the big picture, they really don’t matter.
One other thing that I am going to do today is remember Psalm 105:4
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
Another day to start over…try again.
It is really all I can do…that, and say I’m sorry.
Does your tongue get the best of you?
If so, how do you deal with the aftermath?
Mary, I appreciate so much your open and transparent attitude. Yes, of course I feel the same way about failing so often as a wife and mother. Thank goodness God forgives us and knows we will continue to sin until He takes us home with Him….
Thank you, Nancy. I accidentally hit the publish button. I considered deleting the post then decided just to leave it out there. Thank you for your kind words.
We all need so much grace … every day.
Fondly,
Glenda
Grace yes!
Dear Mary,
Thank you for honestly sharing your heart…and I have been there, and there is grace and forgiveness…it also helps me to discuss with God (without censoring myself to be some Christian ideal) what I am really feeling, what is underneath all that emotion…yes, our troubles are momentary, but they are still troubles, and we need to be honest with God…saying this to myself, because for far too long, I did not show myself the grace that God wanted to give me…Hugs to you 🙂
I love that you and Glenda both mentioned grace. Yes, I need to show myself the same grace I would show others. Thank you Dolly.
Oh, this is what I need to hear. I'm on vacation this week with my family, and tension gets high at times when you're having so much "fun" in such close proximity with each other all the time. 🙂 By the time I crawled into the hotel's bed last night, I was wishing I had my own separate room. So I'm hearing I need to cut myself some slack–along with everyone else!–and start today as a clean slate. Thanks, Mary! Praying for more grace–we still have 4 beautiful days left together on our trip. 🙂
By now I suppose you are heading home. It can be tough to be in such close proximity with people. I just spent 4 days in a hotel room with my son (he is 6'6") it made the room seem so small. And yet, sometime we need a private room. Praying for you Lisa!