The tension is so thick that I can’t possibly take another step. Vicious words have been flung across the room. Words that should never have been uttered.
But they were.
And they can’t be taken back.
Oh, sure…one can say “I’m sorry.” One can accept another’s apology…forgiving is hard, but forgetting? I think that is even harder.
Sometimes my tongue gets the best of me. I say things that I know I shouldn’t say. And I say them anyway.
I say them with complete abandon. And I feel terrible afterwards.
And the two most important roles in my life – that of wife and mother – those are the two I fail at the most. On a daily basis it seems. And these days? Well, I fail every minute.
And I believe I feel this way because of expectations I carry in my heart and mind. Things I hoped and believed would happen and come to pass. Now…20-30 years later, well, they didn’t happen.
And I am left to pick up the pieces.
As I reflect on this today I am reminded of these verses:
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I have to say that in the big scheme of things I know my problems are small. Minute in fact. But it doesn’t change the fact that they are BIG to me.
So, today I remind myself that my problems are momentary troubles. They are temporary and in the big picture, they really don’t matter.
One other thing that I am going to do today is remember Psalm 105:4
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
Another day to start over…try again.
It is really all I can do…that, and say I’m sorry.
Does your tongue get the best of you?
If so, how do you deal with the aftermath?