I was reading in Luke this morning, chapter 19, you know…the king that gave his servants money and told them to put it to work while he was gone. If you want to refresh your memory, read ithere. It makes me wonder how often in my life do I NOT make use of the gifts God gives me? I think that is part of what He wants us to take away from this parable…to USE what we are GIVEN, even when we are afraid. Even when we don’t understand. Even when we DON’T. GET. IT! “IT” being the purpose of life at the particular moment in time, so to speak. In this case, the servant lost what he had been given, because he “kept it laid away in a piece of cloth.” Then the servant got upset.
I wonder how many times in MY life, that I have not used or mis-used the gifts God has given me? Sometimes, when my vision gets cloudy I wonder if I even HAVE a gift, but I know I do…we all do…God gives each of us at least one gift, to use for him. Is it the gift of organization, the gift of teaching, the gift of writing, of compassion, whatever…we all have a GIFT. See 1 Corinthians 7:7 “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” I know I have a gift…
Lord, please help me recognize that ALL I have comes from you…and it is ALL a gift. The breath I take, my hands and feet, everything I have comes from you. Please help me to appreciate these gifts more and to use them for your honor and glory, in a manner that will bring more people to your saving grace, to your loving, open arms. Please bless those reading this blog and please, Lord, be especially with those member of my family that need you in a very special way today.
Friends, I am swiftly approaching the anniversary of my first blog post. I find myself wondering where I should go from here, what I should do. I am so sporadic with my posts these days, I wonder if it is worth continuing. When I started blogging, I felt inspired and I knew beyond a doubt that I was supposed to be blogging. Sometimes, now, it feels like I am forcing the words and I do not believe that is what the Lord intended for me to do. So, I am praying that I will have more inspiration, more assurance that this is what I am supposed to be doing…for the right reason and if I am NOT supposed to continue, I am praying that I will know that too. If you have felt this way or have thoughts on the matter, I would love to hear them.
Do you know what your gift is?
On a different note…check out Karen’s blog…this post is an absolutely MUST READ.
Hey dear Mary, before I even read your heart about whether to continue blogging or not, my thought was, "This is Mary's best post ever."
I don't want to presume to speak for God but I think you have a lot to offer.
The first year I blogged, I had one person who commented on a regular basis–yes, I got discouraged–more than you will ever know–but I also knew the reasons why I was blogging and that always trumped everything else.
Trisha at Multitude of Mercies has the best take on blogging I've ever read under the link, "Why Bloggest Thou?"–You might want to take a look at that.
What Ann Voskamp has been writing about blogging is really good also–something we should take to heart.
And your post today really spoke to me to keep using the gift of writing that God has given me. Thank you sweet friend.
Mary B, yes, we've all been given a gift – 1 Peter 4:10. They arrive seed form; must be nurtured & developed. 🙂 PIZZA FOR LUNCH-THAT'S MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN I READ – DO I HAVE ONE? DISCERNMENT? MERCY? I can't help but wonder Mary, your posts relay to us your Bible Study – what would happen if you closed the blog. I'll tell you what I would be prone to do, fall lax in that area. I need accountability! Even if only one dear soul reads (doesn't comment) & gets a little seed that sprouts years later, wow!
Only encouraging you – I too have dealt with blog issues lately, "focus", blending between home & faith… and time management.
I'll close my wordiness – but with humility! Thank you for leaving a part of your heart in your comment this morning. I'm humbled that you have highlighted my name.
Praying you sense HIS presence and see HIM at work around you, and join in.
~love to someone I've never met, but have shared heart messages with~K
Mary, Dianne's right – this is an excellent post and it spoke to my heart. I loved the part about our gifts, especially when you mentioned our breath, hands and feet. As for blogging – I'm kind of in the same boat as you right now 🙂 I've thought of stopping but didn't want to make any rash decisions. I think I'll take a peek at the sites Dianne mentioned. Maybe they will shed some light on the issues I've been having, too. God bless you, Mary. Thanks for posting about this!
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Hey dear Mary, before I even read your heart about whether to continue blogging or not, my thought was, "This is Mary's best post ever."
I don't want to presume to speak for God but I think you have a lot to offer.
The first year I blogged, I had one person who commented on a regular basis–yes, I got discouraged–more than you will ever know–but I also knew the reasons why I was blogging and that always trumped everything else.
Trisha at Multitude of Mercies has the best take on blogging I've ever read under the link, "Why Bloggest Thou?"–You might want to take a look at that.
What Ann Voskamp has been writing about blogging is really good also–something we should take to heart.
And your post today really spoke to me to keep using the gift of writing that God has given me. Thank you sweet friend.
I love you,
Dianne
Mary B, yes, we've all been given a gift – 1 Peter 4:10. They arrive seed form; must be nurtured & developed. 🙂 PIZZA FOR LUNCH-THAT'S MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN I READ – DO I HAVE ONE? DISCERNMENT? MERCY? I can't help but wonder Mary, your posts relay to us your Bible Study – what would happen if you closed the blog. I'll tell you what I would be prone to do, fall lax in that area. I need accountability!
Even if only one dear soul reads (doesn't comment) & gets a little seed that sprouts years later, wow!
Only encouraging you – I too have dealt with blog issues lately, "focus", blending between home & faith… and time management.
I'll close my wordiness – but with humility! Thank you for leaving a part of your heart in your comment this morning. I'm humbled that you have highlighted my name.
Praying you sense HIS presence and see HIM at work around you, and join in.
~love to someone I've never met, but have shared heart messages with~K
Mary,
Dianne's right – this is an excellent post and it spoke to my heart. I loved the part about our gifts, especially when you mentioned our breath, hands and feet.
As for blogging – I'm kind of in the same boat as you right now 🙂 I've thought of stopping but didn't want to make any rash decisions. I think I'll take a peek at the sites Dianne mentioned. Maybe they will shed some light on the issues I've been having, too.
God bless you, Mary. Thanks for posting about this!
I go back and forth on blogging quite a bit, especially w/how much to share. I think I've quite and restarted at least twice now. 🙂