Thank you for your prayers. I went to the learning center yesterday afternoon straight from work. There was someone to help with accounting and….drum roll please….I think a light bulb lit up. Well, maybe not a light bulb, maybe it was a small birthday candle that got lit, but I got a slightly better understanding of some of the things I didn’t understand. The lady who helped me had taken this class with the same instructor and had a bit of insight into him as well. Whatever…I am not under any illusion that this will be easy, but I am not so upset that I think I can’t do it. It is after all, accounting…not brain surgery!
When I read the above scripture this morning, I realized that is the feeling I have about this class after yesterday. “May the God of hopefill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by thepower of the Holy Spirit.” I believe He wants us to trust him in ALL things…I prayed about taking this class, was pretty sure it was what I was supposed to do and now I need to trust that it is still the right thing, hard though it may be. Settling for less than the best (an “A” in this case) will be a bit of a challenge for me. I do not mean to say that I need or have the best of “things,” I mean that I try to DO my best in things that I undertake. I want to do my best and get a good grade…in this case, a good grade may be a “B” or…gulp…a “C”…ouch! Maybe I am getting ahead of myself here…let me get thorough the third week of class and see what happens.
Last weekend we went to Atlanta to visit John’s sister and her family. Her two oldest girls run cross country and we went to the meet. Cross Country (XC) may be my favorite fall sport. If you don’t know much about the sport it is a team sport, but an individual one as well. There are usually 7 runners in the varsity race of a meet and the top five runners for the team score the points. The first runner across the finish line scores 1 point, the second 2, the third 3 and so on. If the winning team has runners 1-2-3-4-5, the winning score would be 15 points…low score wins. So while you need 5 runners to score, you need all your runners to do their best. Many times the runners are running to beat their own best time, known as a PR (personal record). Anyway, my son ran XC in high school and I love the sport. Most of the teams have team shirts with a saying on the back…I thought this one was interesting…I know you can’t read it, but it says…”pain is just weakness leaving the body.” For me, that translates to it’s an “attitude” thing, much like the accounting. Change the attitude, change the perception…
I am going out of town this weekend (again) to see my parents, don’t know that I will have a chance to post again before Monday. So my friends, I leave you with these thoughts that I find worthwhile…
Girl, you went to Atlanta last week–you are just running all over the country, aren't you?
I am so glad you got help with your course. My dad was an educator and I guess he didn't want to build his hopes up too much and then be disappointed cause he always told me, Sug, "C" is average and you are average." Ha Well, you can imagine, I did not try my best. I ended up in the Beta Club, "B" average but I think now that I mighta, sorta, kinda could have made it to the Honor Society. Too late now! Just do your best and don't worry about it.
My father would also never hire anyone who had all "A's" on their transcript–he said they weren't well rounded enough–another ha!!
The main thing I get from your post is trusting Him–that's what it's really all about.
I needed that verse from Romans. This has been a difficult year, and I know the Lord has it under control, but sometimes I don't act like I do. ~ Enjoy your weekend!
I am so glad that you were able to get the help you needed with your class. Getting insight into professors is always a very good thing! God knows what we need, even in the verses that we read in the morning. praying for you, sweet friend! ~a
Great post! Love the scripture verse. So true. But not so easy. 🙂 love Maurice's quote as well. Next time you're in Ga let me know, I'd love to have ya over for some southern hospitality. I'm about 2 hours from Atlanta.
Thanks for the attitude adjustment reminder! Your words are not just for you- I needed quite a bit of attitude adjustment myself this week. Hope you have a wonderful trip!
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Girl, you went to Atlanta last week–you are just running all over the country, aren't you?
I am so glad you got help with your course. My dad was an educator and I guess he didn't want to build his hopes up too much and then be disappointed cause he always told me, Sug, "C" is average and you are average." Ha Well, you can imagine, I did not try my best. I ended up in the Beta Club, "B" average but I think now that I mighta, sorta, kinda could have made it to the Honor Society. Too late now! Just do your best and don't worry about it.
My father would also never hire anyone who had all "A's" on their transcript–he said they weren't well rounded enough–another ha!!
The main thing I get from your post is trusting Him–that's what it's really all about.
Love,
D.
I needed that verse from Romans. This has been a difficult year, and I know the Lord has it under control, but sometimes I don't act like I do. ~ Enjoy your weekend!
I am so glad that you were able to get the help you needed with your class. Getting insight into professors is always a very good thing!
God knows what we need, even in the verses that we read in the morning.
praying for you, sweet friend!
~a
Great post! Love the scripture verse. So true. But not so easy. 🙂
love Maurice's quote as well.
Next time you're in Ga let me know, I'd love to have ya over for some southern hospitality. I'm about 2 hours from Atlanta.
Thanks for the attitude adjustment reminder! Your words are not just for you- I needed quite a bit of attitude adjustment myself this week. Hope you have a wonderful trip!