Do not boast about tomorrow,
For you do not know what a day may bring forth.
Proverbs 27:1
And just like that – snap your fingers – my life changed forever.
One day I was pregnant and expecting to deliver a baby in a few weeks.  Then the doctor sent me for a more advanced ultrasound (this was 20 years ago.)  After the ultrasound there were more questions, but few answers.
A couple of weeks later I delivered what appeared to be a healthy baby girl.  
And four days later I held her as she took her last breath and died in my arms.
A lot happened to my family that year.  It was 1992…I cannot believe it has been twenty years.
Here are some things I wish I had known then…
  • you WILL survive.  No matter what the situation, God DOES know what he is doing. 
  • no matter how hard it is to keep going – DO IT.  
  • PRAY.  EVERY DAY.  Even if you just need to say “Lord, I have nothing to say today except that I am mad that you took my daughter.”  As a father he cares about his children…no matter what their emotional state.
  • people may (will) say cruel and thoughtless things.  TRY not to pay attention to them. Things like, “you can have other children.”  Children are not cars, you don’t just “replace” them!  Or “at least she was a baby, you didn’t have time to get attached to her.”  Excuse me, I just carried her for 9 months and dreamed about her for years.
  • there WILL come a day when you go the WHOLE day without crying.  Then you cry because you realize you haven’t cried all day.
  • there will come a day when you no longer feel obsessed with thinking about your loss.
  • there is no right way to grieve.  NO. RIGHT. WAY.  So grieve. Let others grieve and know that your grief is different from their grief.
  • hold tight to those you love and that love you.  You need each other, even if you don’t know how to express your need.
  • do not be afraid to seek professional help.  Even years down the road.  It was two years before I sought help, but talking with a professional was just what I needed.  I have been back a few more times in 20 years.
  • there is nothing wrong with being intimate with you spouse while grieving.  So don’t feel guilty about it. Intimacy is good therapy.
  • There are stages of grief.  Learn what they are and realize that grief is a process.
I am thankful to Sarah Mae for this nudge to share What I Know Now 
and I am linking with her here today.
This is, by no means, a comprehensive list.  I am not a professional counselor and do not claim to have the answers.  I just know that I wish I had known, at the beginning of this process, that THERE WAS HOPE and that life would not always be so dark.
What is a life lesson you have learned?

What I Know Now


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