When the beauty of the unglued brings you to your knees…

by Mary Bonner | Jan 13, 2014 | Uncategorized | 15 comments

Disclaimer: the photos in this post are not the best, but I think they tell the story. And I wasn’t planning on the story when I took the pictures! Oh, and there are affiliate links in this post.

Things happen for a reason. I truly believe that. But sometimes the reason is hidden. The reason is buried so deep that it takes days, weeks, months or maybe years for the reason to unfold.

Kind of like a flower opening up.

01/12/2014 7:47 a.m.

Last week, I wrote a post titled a daily epiphany. I reference last week’s post because I experienced an epiphany several times last week. I have shared before that I have trouble with my tongue. I get irritated or mad about something and my tongue starts running the show. Before I know what has happened, I have said something or many somethings that I truly regret.

I don’t care how many times I say I am sorry, I cannot take back the biting, cutting words that have injured the other person.

Usually, the people I have injured are those closest to me. Those I love the most. Those that live in my house.

01/12/2014 10:47 a.m.

Let me explain…I have the YouVersion Bible app on my iPad. Within the app are different reading plans. As I was perusing the devotional plans last week I ran across a devotional call Unglued. Yes, THAT Unglued. It was based on Lysa TerKeurst’s book Unglued. She had written a 5 day devotional plan and shared it with this app.

My tongue was running the show early last week. And those 5 days of the devotional have changed my life. Seriously.

I did something I NEVER do…I went straight to Barnes and Noble and bought the book. I usually buy my books from Amazon because it is less expensive and I don’t have to drive across town. But this time, well, I couldn’t wait.

This book was written and published in 2012. Where I have been for the last two years?

01/12/2014 1:18 p.m.

Slowly, like the petals of a flower, the words began to sink in and change my heart.

Change my reactions.

Slowly, my heart began to open and I could see the error of my ways.

More than seeing the error…I was hope that I don’t have to live this way. I can change.

01/13/2014 7:40 a.m.
almost 24 hours later

This Christmas Cactus bloom began opening up yesterday morning. The more sunlight it received, the more the petals opened up.

The 5 day Unglued devotional was/is life changing for me. The book is doing the same. The more I read, the more my heart opens up to receive more-just like the petal of the Christmas Cactus.

If you have not read the book, I recommend it.

Right now, all I can do is tell you it has made a tremendous difference in the way I reply and react. The heart work is so intense that I cannot go into detail. But let me tell you, it is worth the investment of your time and money to check out this book.

We don’t have to live as an unglued,

falling apart person…we can be made whole in Him.

There is beauty in the unglued mess of my life and

there is beauty in the unglued mess of yours.

And Jesus died to redeem all of our unglued messes…

Have you read the book?

What did you think?

Joining with Michelle, Laura and Angie

15 Comments

Cindy Krall on January 13, 2014 at 4:43 pm

I've done several of Lysa's studies but not Unglued. I think I may have to carve out time for that one! Thank you for sharing (and I think your photos are just lovely!)
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:10 pm
  
  The book has been really good for me…hope you find it useful to you. I know you will!
  Reply
Beth on January 13, 2014 at 5:27 pm

Yes, it's a great one, Mary! I did a small group women's study with it this summer and everyone really felt encouraged in the area of our tongues and angry attitudes. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here today!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:11 pm
  
  A small group women's study…I will have to think about that. I am leading a small group now and we are studying Kathi Lipp's book Praying God's Word for Your Husband. Unglued would be a great book study.
  Reply
BARBIE on January 13, 2014 at 7:03 pm

I have not yet had a chance to read Unglued, but I want to. Perhaps I should sooner rather than later. I tend to react, overreact to everything. Thank you for sharing!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:12 pm
  
  Yes, Barbie…maybe you should read it sooner rather than later. It is worth the time.
  Reply
Sandra @ Sandra's Ark on January 14, 2014 at 12:38 am

I have the you version app so I'm going to look for that Devotional plan. I have tried some of their plans before but not so keen that I would have recommended any (although I did go through an advent one with my advent blog posts in Dec) but his sounds better. Thanks for the recommendation.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:13 pm
  
  There are several that I have checked out, but this was the best so far.
  Reply
Shelly Miller on January 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm

I haven't read that one, but its on my list. Love the way God gives us what we need to live wholehearted, at just the moment he knows we need it. And I love Christmas cactus, there are two in my house right now. *wink*
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:13 pm
  
  What we need when we need it…yes! He is so good that way. Thank you for stopping by, Shelly.
  Reply
Susan Stilwell on January 14, 2014 at 10:45 pm

I didn't read Unglued until last fall, and I loved it! Gosh Mary, this truth set me free: Emotions are indicators, they don't have to be dictators. THANK YOU, Lysa!

And thank you, Mary. For being transparent and honest. I think we all struggle with our tongues. (It explains why the Bible has so much to say about it!)

Hugs to you as you start 2014!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:14 pm
  
  I used the line "my emotions are indicators, not dictators" on myself last night. Great reminder! So glad to see your face, Susan…thank you.
  Reply
Diane Bailey on January 14, 2014 at 11:24 pm

Ok, you and I are being told the same message by God! LOVE IT! This is beautiful!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on January 16, 2014 at 1:14 pm
  
  We have been on the same page a few times lately. Love you friend.
  Reply
Angie on January 20, 2014 at 5:41 am

Oh My …I was not able to read the link ups until tonight and now I know why..I needed to hear these words TONIGHT:
"The more sunlight it received, the more the petals opened up."
Oh, Lord, may you shine your light so that my children, my husband, my faith blooms more and more every day.
Friend, if your writing inspires me to pray…you are blessing with your words, indeed!
Thank you for linking up!
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor