I spent some time in the mountains recently. Can you imagine how beautiful this would be in the spring and fall? Imagine being on that porch looking at those mountains with leaves of spring green or the beautiful gold of fall. Lovely I think. Just lovely.
I was there for a women’s retreat and it was good for my soul. The past 9 months have been long. And hard. The academic year will be ending soon and I will be making a decision to stay or go.
To stay with the familiar. The known. The comfortable.
Or leave for something new. Something unknown. And definitely uncomfortable.
While at this retreat I did some soul searching. I looked inside to try and decide what the Lord is calling me to do. I prayed. I sought wise counsel from women I respect. I listened.
I came home and shared my thoughts with my husband. He asked questions. I asked questions. We shared ideas and I STILL do not have an answer.
I still do not know what I am going to do.
Leaving my job will be hard, but staying may be harder. When I started my series on change, I intended to share how my job changed. How it went from something I loved to something difficult, something hard. How I changed from being excited to go to work everyday to something I dreaded most days. Instead, I ended up sharing about my illness and how the Lord used non-traditional methods to bring physical healing. I guess that was what I was supposed to share at that time.
But now I have to make a choice. If leaving my job is what I am supposed to do, then I need courage to do that. If I am supposed to stay, I probably need even more courage.
Sunday evening I told my husband that I do not want to stay because it is safe and comfortable. I do not want to stay because it is the easy thing to do. If I stay, I want it to be because I KNOW – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that it is His will and His desire for me to remain in my job.
If I leave, I’ll be stepping away from the safe, the secure and the comfortable.
Maybe it is time to get uncomfortable. Maybe it is time to leave the secure. To venture into the unknown and see what happens.
Maybe…but I’m still not quite sure. Right now there is no straight, clear path for me to follow.
I make difficult decisions by praying, seeking His will by reading the Bible and listening to my gut and the counsel of wise people. I am working through that process these days.