Several years ago I stopped trying to plan and prepare for this time of year. This week specifically. The week of June 9th is always hard for me. For several years, I would plan and try to think of ways to “get through” this week.
Not any more. It just doesn’t work. No matter what my plan or idea, I am still sad. Still teary eyed. Still just blah.
I was pleasantly surprised on Monday of this week, the 9th of June. I had an incredibly good day. Few tears. Actually none, until the evening. It was probably because I was so busy doing laundry from the 11 day road trip from which I had just returned.
Whatever, today – the day she died – dawns grey and cloudy. So unlike the day she died 22 years ago. Or the day she was buried.
I’ve come a long way in the last 22 years. A good writer/blogger would share some of the changes I’ve made, but today I just want to ramble.
Scattered, mismatched thoughts to match scattered, mismatched and lost dreams.
Five days ago, John and I returned from 11 days out west. We visited Arches National Park and Capitol Reef National Park in Utah and spent a week in southwest Colorado with my sister and her family.
The red rocks seem to stretch as high as the sky. And the sky at times is so blue it looks like Hawaiian ocean water or the blue of the Caribbean. In my journal I wrote something about the sky being bluer in Colorado and out west than anywhere else.
This was a well thought out trip and John had several months of planning invested.
It was worth it.
At one point in Capitol Reef National Park there was a section called Tapestry Wall.
My photograph does not do justice to the vastness of the rock wall.
It does not do justice to the varied colors of the rocks, but I couldn’t help but think, as I stood gazing, at the rocks that I know the artist.
I know the designer of the tapestry.
I know the design he created for my life included a little girl that I would have in my womb for just over nine months and in my arms for a much shorter time.
He created a design unique for me and my family.
And he created that design to honor Him.
This morning I wanted to have my quiet time, but my heart was just aching. I thought, “I’ll just read Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling.”
The first line of today’s reflection is, “Let me help you get through this day.”
That was all I needed to read to remember that He is all I need.
To remember that He designed my tapestry.
To remember that He is there, waiting for me to fall into his arms and let him carry me.
The tapestry of my life includes knots and broken threads. But I know that He is weaving something that will be exactly what it is supposed to be.
And, in the end, it will be perfect.
That makes me smile…even today.
This post may contain affiliate links. You do not pay more for the item if you purchase through my link, but I will get a small commission.