The year was 2011. I was in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania for the Relevant (now Allume) Conference. One evening the music was provided by two musicians I’d never heard of, but there music was good and the artists were incredibly talented. I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t anything exceptionally special, at least not to me at that time.
I had the opportunity to hear these two women sing again this past April at Kris Camealy’s Refine Retreat in Ohio. The first night they sang, I was incredibly wiped out and left before it was over. I had to get some rest. My dad had died one month before. I’d traveled over 10,000 miles the month of March and I needed rest more than I needed to hear the songs and praise music.
The next day and night, I was rested and the music spoke to me in ways that were overpowering and soul-stirring.
The weight of the load I had been carrying for months was lifted and I felt a peace I had not had in some time.
The darkness covering my eyes was removed and I was invited to leave my troubles at the cross.
AGAIN. Only this time? I chose to leave them there and not pick them up.
The artists whose words spoke so eloquently into my soul?
There voices are like silk on soft baby skin. Like butter oozing into the pockets of a fresh, hot roll right out of the oven, then topped with honey.
Their album More Than Rubies has so many songs on it that speak to me, I don’t think I can chose a favorite. But Shepherd God is speaking to me today. Because I have troubles that I want to leave at His feet. Here are the lyrics and you can listen to the song here on iTunes.
SHEPHERD GOD
I took my troubles to the Lord
And I laid them at His feet
My knees had buckled beneath the weight
But my Lord reached out for me
Oh, my Shepherd God
How He loves his flock
How He seeks the lost
And the least of us
I am tended by my Lord
In my Lord I trust
He lifted me like an injured lamb
And he carried me back home
Where His Word is alive and His truth is a song
That restores the weary soul
Oh, my Shepherd God
How He loves his flock
How He seeks the lost
And the least of us
I am tended by my Lord
In my Lord I trust
Christa & Nicole will be singing this weekend at the Allume Conference again. I had planned to be there, but since I was seriously ill this last month, I cannot travel. I won’t get to hear them, but I will continue to listen to their music.
These days, I cannot get enough of their music and I play it often.
In honor of my birthday (which is tomorrow) I am giving away a copy of their CD More Than Rubies, if you already own this album, then I will let you chose another one of their albums.
To enter, simply leave a comment on this blog post. For an additional entry, tweet or leave a post on Facebook, then come back and leave an additional comment letting me know you did so with a link to the tweet or FB post. I will use Random.org to choose a winner and announce the winner on the blog on Monday, if you don’t already subscribe, then maybe you want to, just in case you win! The contest closes at midnight Friday, October 24th.
These women are certainly artists that let their lights shine!
You can get to know a bit more about them by watching this video.
This is music that speaks to me.
What music speaks to you?
I will be purchasing a CD to give away. I purchased my own CD and did not
receive any complimentary music for this post.
There are NO affiliate links in this post. All photos are the property of Mary Bonner
and taken by me. They may not be used or copied without permission.
Oh dear! So very sorry to hear you've been so ill! How awful! I sure hope you recover fully very soon, and I pray that you have a very special birthday tomorrow! So sorry that you aren't able to go to Allume, either! Trusting that the Lord's purposes will prevail even in these setbacks. Strength to you, and thank you for hosting this giveaway!
Mary! I am so sad that I won't see you at Allume! 🙁 I am beyond blessed by ALL things Christa and Nicole!!!!!!! They are forever faves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Music can make such a huge difference to me too. These ladies are beautiful (and so many kids! ha) and their voices are beautiful too. Thanks for sharing this with us. Praying you're still recovering well.
One of my favorite songs right now that speaks to me is "It Is Well" by Bethel. Oh my. My daughter learned to play and sing it, and sang it for me over the weekend. Very moving.
Happiest of birthdays to you Mary! And continued prayers for your healing! Thank you for introducing me to these artist. I am only asking that if by chance my entry wins, please give it to the next entry following me as I would love to pay it forward as well.
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Oh dear! So very sorry to hear you've been so ill! How awful! I sure hope you recover fully very soon, and I pray that you have a very special birthday tomorrow! So sorry that you aren't able to go to Allume, either! Trusting that the Lord's purposes will prevail even in these setbacks. Strength to you, and thank you for hosting this giveaway!
Lately I have been listening to an older Chris Tomlin CD.Like you, I am so grateful for music which can so lighten the load. Blessings, to you Mary!
Mary! I am so sad that I won't see you at Allume! 🙁 I am beyond blessed by ALL things Christa and Nicole!!!!!!! They are forever faves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I retweeted you!
Music can make such a huge difference to me too. These ladies are beautiful (and so many kids! ha) and their voices are beautiful too. Thanks for sharing this with us. Praying you're still recovering well.
One of my favorite songs right now that speaks to me is "It Is Well" by Bethel. Oh my. My daughter learned to play and sing it, and sang it for me over the weekend. Very moving.
Happiest of birthdays to you Mary! And continued prayers for your healing! Thank you for introducing me to these artist. I am only asking that if by chance my entry wins, please give it to the next entry following me as I would love to pay it forward as well.
Praying you had a blessed birthday! I am so late in getting here. Krista Wells is amazing! Hugs!