Sea spray flies every where. And if you are close enough…you get sprayed too.
A couple of weeks ago I went to California to celebrate my sister’s 50th birthday. On Sunday, we went to Monterey which is just a short drive from her house. I took this picture that day.
I wasn’t close enough to feel the spray on this day, but I could hear the waves.
I could see the waves. And I could see the foam and bubbles the are created as a result of the waves.
Sometimes, situations in life feel like waves. The roll in and roll out.
And sometimes those situations feel like they crash. Other times they roll in and out…but nothing ever stays the same.
For some reason, this thoughts were rolling around in my head after reading the Passion at church on Sunday and thinking about Jesus in the garden.
Praying…PLEADING…
“My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me;
nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
Matthew 26:39b
Did Jesus feel like the waves were crashing in around him? He couldn’t even get the disciples to stay awake! verse 40
It is hard for me to comprehend all he went through to save me…and you. And all of humankind.
But he did it. No matter the cost.
He did it. No matter the pain.
He did it. Period.
He didn’t get his way.
The answer to his prayer wasn’t the answer he wanted. Yet he yielded his will to the Father’s.
Oh that I would have the courage to pray that prayer…not my will, but yours Lord.
Lord, as I enter this holiest of weeks may I be reminded that no matter how badly I may feel like I am sinking. No matter how violent the waves may be…you are in control. Your way is sovereign and always best. Give me the grace and courage to accept your will with a similar grace and dignity your son accepted his fate.
How do you handle the waves in your life?
Joining Michelle for Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday.
On a totally separate note, my friend Denise is launching a book today
…on WRITING!! I’ve had a chance to read it before it launched.
And I love it!!!
It is free on Amazon until Tuesday night. Check it out!!
p.s. that is NOT an affiliate link! 🙂
Mary, a visit with you is always encouraging and I love the way you always point us to the Father. After all, He is our rock and strength and without Him the waves would overtake us but with His hand we stand strong even when the waves are crashing around us.
Dear Mary Oh, that prayer of our Lord Jesus in the garden makes me so sad. He who had the ability to endure all the suffering as God, did not do so for that would have nullify the reason for the crucifixion. As the Son of man, He chose to endure all the suffering as a human being and at one time, He even thought His Pappa had forsaken Him. Yet, after that terrible struggle in His heart, He asked our Pappa to glorify His name! Much love and a blessed Easter to you Mia
Sea spray flies every where. And if you are close enough…you get sprayed too."
Mary, I LOVE the way you started this post. Beautiful imagery. I can hear the crashing wave and feel its cool mist as I read your words. And that is great writing!
Also, thank you for sharing the e-book with others. I so appreciate your generous spirit. {HUGS}
Denise!! Oh, thank you thank you! Your book is truly awesome and I am learning a lot. I am humbled both by your words and your graceful presence here…thank you.
HUGS back and can't wait to see you later this month!
First time on your post, it was encouraging. I love to sit and listen to the faithfulness of the waves. They remind me of the Lord for He created them and He is so faithful. Blessings.
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Mary, a visit with you is always encouraging and I love the way you always point us to the Father. After all, He is our rock and strength and without Him the waves would overtake us but with His hand we stand strong even when the waves are crashing around us.
Oh, Nancy! Thank you so much for being such an encouragement to me! I hope you have a blessed and happy Easter!!
Dear Mary
Oh, that prayer of our Lord Jesus in the garden makes me so sad. He who had the ability to endure all the suffering as God, did not do so for that would have nullify the reason for the crucifixion. As the Son of man, He chose to endure all the suffering as a human being and at one time, He even thought His Pappa had forsaken Him. Yet, after that terrible struggle in His heart, He asked our Pappa to glorify His name!
Much love and a blessed Easter to you
Mia
Mia you are a blessing to me … thank you.
I needed this today, Mary! Thank you. The photo is beautiful too! xo
Oh, Lyn!!! So glad to see you!! Thank you my friend. I am glad this meant something to you.
Beautiful post Mary. You take some gorgeous pictures too. Have a blessed Holy Week.
Thank you Kathleen…I hope you have a blessed Holy Week too!
"No matter how violent the waves may be…you are in control."
I'll be praying with a friend tonight in the midst of some violent waves. These words help me pray. Thank you, Mary.
Just got Denise's book for my Kindle. Thanks for the recommendation! I look forward to reading it.
Lisa, I prayed for you and your friend when I first read this comment on Monday.
Denise's book is awesome. TOTALLY awesome!
"The waves come crashing down.
Sea spray flies every where. And if you are close enough…you get sprayed too."
Mary, I LOVE the way you started this post. Beautiful imagery. I can hear the crashing wave and feel its cool mist as I read your words. And that is great writing!
Also, thank you for sharing the e-book with others. I so appreciate your generous spirit. {HUGS}
Denise!! Oh, thank you thank you! Your book is truly awesome and I am learning a lot. I am humbled both by your words and your graceful presence here…thank you.
HUGS back and can't wait to see you later this month!
First time on your post, it was encouraging. I love to sit and listen to the faithfulness of the waves. They remind me of the Lord for He created them and He is so faithful. Blessings.