Where is my attention?

by Mary Bonner | Feb 19, 2014 | Uncategorized | 10 comments

I need to focus my attention on following Jesus…

This photo is of today’s quote from a perpetual calendar I have on my desk. It is from DaySpring (not an affiliate link) and I got it in my swag bag from one of the Allume Conferences or the Jumping Tandem Retreat…doesn’t matter where I got it, but the words matter a great deal.

I need to focus my attention on following Jesus…

Yesterday, I wrote that I am clinging to a promise. And I am trying to follow Jesus, but in this particular case, it is hard.

But he never said it would be easy. So I have to trust him.

I listened to a podcast last night by Kat Lee. I cannot direct you to the specific podcast because I listened to several and I can’t remember if it was from her blog Inspired to Action or How They Blog. But she talked about being focused and having a plan with your Bible study, with your day, with your blogging, with your exercise…just a plan.

So, I was giving thought to my Bible study and how I might improve my quiet time. It needs some serious improvement.

I was looking thorough some ideas on my YouVersion Bible App and saw one that said Confidence. It spoke to me.

I need confidence to share what the Lord is asking me to share in this space.

I need to focus my attention on following Jesus…

The first scripture in this study was from Joshua.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your

God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

He isn’t ASKING Joshua not to be afraid or discouraged. He COMMANDED him.

If he is asking me to do something, then he will be there. Just as he was with Joshua when he led the children of Israel into the Promised Land.

I need to focus my attention on following Jesus. Following him without being afraid.

This will not be easy. The devil will try to get in my head and tell me my words don’t matter. No one wants to read my story.

Crystal Stine has a great post about this…when you wonder if it’s worth the effort.

So, I am treading lightly. I am walking out on the water with my eyes on Jesus. He will get me through this time of rough waters.

But it will take courage and I am sure that I don’t have enough of that…but I know he does.

Is he asking you to do something hard?

Something you don’t want to do?

How are you answering him?

I am in community with Jennifer, Angie and Laura.

10 Comments

Tresta @ Sharp Paynes on February 19, 2014 at 3:08 pm

You were created according to His purpose, Mary – let that be your confidence! (talking to myself, here, too.) Thank you for sharing your words and being courageous.
Reply
- Mary Bonner on February 20, 2014 at 12:05 am
  
  Thank you, Tresta…yes! that should be my confidence.
  Reply
Karrilee Aggett on February 19, 2014 at 4:36 pm

I love this Mary! It resonates with me as I believe we are collectively entering a season that God is stirring us up to no longer let fear stop us! As Lisa-Jo Baker said last week, 'scared is the new brave'… (and I love that we have the same calendar… reading the same little bits of encouragement on a daily basis!) Visiting from Jennifers today!
Reply
- Mary Bonner on February 20, 2014 at 12:07 am
  
  What a honor to see you here, Karrilee. I see your face and comments around the blog world…yes, "scared is the new brave" GULP! 🙂
  Reply
Jennifer @ JenniferDukesLee.com on February 19, 2014 at 6:19 pm

Your words touch my heart deeply today. Just right, for right now. xo
Reply
- Mary Bonner on February 20, 2014 at 12:07 am
  
  Thank you, Jennifer. I am humbled that you stopped by and even more so that my words touched you.
  Reply
Betty Draper on February 20, 2014 at 12:51 am

Mary, thanks for the visit to my blog. I just read through your Lynme disease posts because I just talked to my friend who son has it. He got it while he was still in high school and is on high doses of meds daily. His 7 year old marriage has broke up, divorce is coming and one of the things she could not handle was the effects of the disease. The for better or worst, sickness or in health somehow did not apply to her. It been so sad. He cannot afford the meds he takes so his parents have been paying for them but now sure how much longer they will be able to do it. So your post on your and your husband trails with this disease blessed my heart.

Now back to your following Jesus…this was good too, very too the point since you always pointed it toward Jesus, The finisher of our faith. You are so right, God said to take courage, it us being active even when filled with fear a lot of the time. But it is worth it, every time. And each time you take courage by the hand and obey Him your faith becomes deeper in Him. Will be back for another visit.
Reply
Shelly Miller on February 20, 2014 at 2:10 am

Take heart Mary, may God in you be the courage you need to face the hurdles and the unknowns to reach the promise.
Reply
BARBIE on February 20, 2014 at 4:51 am

Courage. That's what I need today. In this season of quiet and rest, I find myself doubting my purpose. I need that courage to keep me walking forward into what He's already called me to do.
Reply
Lisa notes... on February 20, 2014 at 3:45 pm

That verse in Joshua speaks so much to me too because I often feel so timid and ordinary; who am I to attempt things? But I'm reminded that the point is Jesus is with me–that's where I should place my courage. I'm glad you're continuing to share in this space what the Lord is speaking to you because I'm listening to that too.

And I would love, love, to get to meet you in real life too one day! Who knows?
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In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor

Jun 3

Open

Every June I think I'm going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don't know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor

When I tell people that I am a VA (Virtual Assistant) often they want to know what I DO. And I tell them that I mostly deal with details. Managing the things (details) that creative people do not see themselves as “good at.” Budgets, remembering dates, creating schedules and timelines, gathering data and information, making sure they get paid, etc. A few years ago, I took on my first social media influencer client. And after working for 5 years with only faith-based clients, social media was a different world! I learned how to navigate that world and now my social media clients are among my favorites. In fact, I let go of most of my other clients to allow more time to work with the influencers. One of the faith-based clients I kept is @kriscamealy of @refineretreat

I have known Kris for 10 years and worked with her on Refine for, I don’t know…maybe 6. Kris recognizes the importance of rest and soul-care that enables us to create better and more meaningful content. Allows us to be more present for our families, clients, and our businesses.

Whether we are writing in our journal, painting on a canvas, creating paid content for a social media outlet, sitting at a pottery wheel, whatever the creative outlet we must tend to our souls. We must rest. We must learn to pause.

#Soulcare is not optional in this world in which we live. We must learn to stop so that we are able to go. We can run at a break-neck, full-tilt speed for a while but at some point, we will crash.

If you are looking for a way to slow down and take a weekend to care for yourself and your soul, check out @refineretreat. Maybe Refine isn’t for you. That is ok. But if you think this only applies to faith-based work, check out @lindsaynead ‘s post from April 19. Lindsay is an amazing businesswoman and she recognizes the power of slowing down. Of stopping. Of resting. She took a break and found herself better for it.

Soul care isn’t optional, it is essential.

Apr 29

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When I tell people that I am a VA (Virtual Assistant) often they want to know what I DO. And I tell them that I mostly deal with details. Managing the things (details) that creative people do not see themselves as “good at.” Budgets, remembering dates, creating schedules and timelines, gathering data and information, making sure they get paid, etc. A few years ago, I took on my first social media influencer client. And after working for 5 years with only faith-based clients, social media was a different world! I learned how to navigate that world and now my social media clients are among my favorites. In fact, I let go of most of my other clients to allow more time to work with the influencers. One of the faith-based clients I kept is @kriscamealy of @refineretreat

I have known Kris for 10 years and worked with her on Refine for, I don’t know…maybe 6. Kris recognizes the importance of rest and soul-care that enables us to create better and more meaningful content. Allows us to be more present for our families, clients, and our businesses.

Whether we are writing in our journal, painting on a canvas, creating paid content for a social media outlet, sitting at a pottery wheel, whatever the creative outlet we must tend to our souls. We must rest. We must learn to pause.

#Soulcare is not optional in this world in which we live. We must learn to stop so that we are able to go. We can run at a break-neck, full-tilt speed for a while but at some point, we will crash.

If you are looking for a way to slow down and take a weekend to care for yourself and your soul, check out @refineretreat. Maybe Refine isn’t for you. That is ok. But if you think this only applies to faith-based work, check out @lindsaynead ‘s post from April 19. Lindsay is an amazing businesswoman and she recognizes the power of slowing down. Of stopping. Of resting. She took a break and found herself better for it.

Soul care isn’t optional, it is essential.

Leroy left us today. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I miss him so much. Some early photos are in my stories. He was THE BEST DOG! And he had a good life. He was SPOILED rotten. At times I think @coach_andy_bonner thought Leroy was treated better than Andy when he was home.

Feb 16

Open