A wonderful Monday…

by Mary Bonner | Dec 12, 2011 | Uncategorized | 12 comments

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I Thessalonians 5:16-18

What robs us of our joy? Pray without ceasing…does that mean we have to be on our knees or in church 24 hours a day?

These were two of the questions asked yesterday at church. As we celebrate that last two weeks of advent, these questions are worth pondering.

What DOES rob me of my joy? Is it worry? Is it complaining? Is it getting caught up in the “busyness” that goes with this season?

What about this “pray without ceasing” business? We can’t have our heads bowed and eyes closed ALL the time!

I loved the answer given…to pray without ceasing means to have a awareness of God in all things. An awareness of Him in everything we do, an appreciation, a sense of gratitude. Oh, how that hit home…He is all around us. Pray without ceasing is an ATTITUDE.

Guess what? When I get my ATTITUDE in the right spot, the JOY comes back. I don’t get caught up in the worry, the busyness, the complaining…no, I am focused on Him and all things look better. My sense of Him changes my viewpoint.

And I continue counting…

701. special message received this weekend.

702. tough times and working through them.

703. hot cocoa.

704. good coffee.

705. lessons I learned this week.

706. a break from work.

707. Christmas music.

708. feeling a little better.

709. accepting that which I cannot change.

710. Angie Smith’s What Women Fear.

Angie’s book was in my gift bag at The Relevant Conference I attended in October. It is one of the best books I have ever read. It speaks, with amazing accuracy straight. to. my. heart.

Today I am joining the Gratitude Community at Ann’s Place and the Hear it on Sunday group at Michelle’s.

12 Comments

Rose on December 12, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I so often need the reminder to be joyful. I know that I can choose to be joyful regardless of the circumstances around me.
Reply
Wanda on December 12, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Hi Mary, I like how you explained the praying without ceasing and the connection it has to our joy. Visiting you via Michelle's blog hop.
Reply
Jen on December 12, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I agree with you — praying without ceasing is knowing that His presence can and will pervade, that it never leaves us, and that He is but a breath away.

As I read this, God just brought something to mind that I had told Him about in a halfhearted way, but never asked Him to heal. Thank you for being a space where GOd could whisper His words to me.
Reply
Friendly Neighborhood Conservative on December 12, 2011 at 3:04 pm

So true that as we walk with Him throughout the joy just spills and fills! He is a delight! Blessings from Uganda!
Reply
journeytoepiphany on December 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

This is my first time here, and I am glad I've visited. Yes! I must learn to pray without ceasing…to invite His presence everywhere I am.
Reply
Stacy on December 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I just finished a seminary class with an extensive reading list so I am just now reading Ann's book, which I picked up at Relevant '11. I think you've just convinced me what book will be next.
Reply
stephen porter on December 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Mary,

Visiting from Hear it on Sunday and have become a follower.

It's true; God is always with us. And is just a thought or word away. We wouldn't keep silent if our spouse was right next to us all day. Our thoughts and conversations would include them the whole time.

Thanks for writing, and I look forward to reading more!

Manifest Blog
Reply
mom2six on December 12, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Mary – The first line – "What robs our job?" I had to stop and read it three times. Feel like a lot of joy has been robbed lately. Attitude – sliding into a pit, focused on the disappointment instead of looking up and fixing my gaze on Jesus face. Focus on Him. Thanks for this – I am blessed.
Reply
Michelle DeRusha@Graceful on December 13, 2011 at 2:30 am

Exactly what I need to hear, Mary: gratitude in ALL things. I know you know how hard this is. But all things are possible with God, yes?
Reply
Denise on December 13, 2011 at 10:11 am

Hi Mary,
God has something to say to me the minute I start my day, and when I listen, I am aware and thankful for what He created throughout my day. I know that when I follow His direction, He will bless me with joy, peace, rest, and wonderful relationships! 🙂

Blessings and hugs,
Denise
Reply
Nava on December 13, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Thanks for the reminder on 'joy'. I did a word study on 'joy' some time back. I do love the simple things in life. Thanks for taking me back where I belong. 🙂
Reply
Deidra on December 13, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Can I admit to you that I haven't read Angie's book, yet? I keep hearing wonderful things about it, and what you've written here reminds me of something Chuck Swindoll said years ago. Thanks for the reminder.

http://thinkexist.com/quotes/charles_r._swindoll/
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor