A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother
Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV)
One of the hardest things about moving from the Midwest to the east coast almost 4 years ago was leaving my friends. We had lived in the same house for almost 25 years. It was the house we purchased and moved into 10 weeks after we got married. Many memories took place in the house, but it was just a house. It was the people that made life so good there. It was/is the people that made the memories. Almost all of those people were met through church or Andy’s school. We moved east in 2007 and while we enjoyed our church and met a couple of people this is the east coast…people are D.I.F.F.E.R.E.N.T. Not necessarily bad different, just different. I have never been honked at while driving so much in my entire life! And the closer I get the a certain BIG city (with the initials NYC), the worse the honking gets! Sorry…I digress!
Friends…I missed my friends from home…there, I said it. I typed home, then backspaced, then typed it again. I still feel like the Midwest is home, but this is beginning to feel like home too. Can a person have two “homes?”
We went on a retreat with our church in the spring of 2008…I met people. People that have become my FRIENDS. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Yesterday, I got to spend six…count ’em…1-2-3-4-5-6 hours with one of those friends and her kids. Mostly, her. Her wonderful husband is out of town and I was helping her with her blog and the kids were incredibly good…so we spent several hours working on her blog, then John & Andy came in the evening and we had dinner.
It was the most incredible afternoon…sometimes God blesses us in the most unusual ways…using the most unusual circumstances. I was so blessed yesterday!!
At the end of the day, Kathleen told me I was a good teacher. WOW…I was so touched, yet another BLESSING. She is very thoughtful. She made this flower arrangement for my 50th birthday last year…
She MADE this. I know some of you are very creative. I see it in your blogs, your photographs, etc. Me, not so much. If I tried this, it would look like I stuck some flowers in a pumpkin!
I am so thankful that John and I attended our parish retreat a few years ago. Not only did we meet Kathleen and her husband, we met several other couples and we now have a prayer group that meets monthly.
Please take a minute and check out Kathleen’s blog. Guess what I learned: Internet Explorer 9 is not very compatible with Blogger!! We could not get links to work in her blog and after researching, that is what I found out. UGH! Links created in blogger do not work if you are using IE9…that is ridiculous. Can’t someone fix that?!?!? Trouble is, she then tried using Firefox and we couldn’t get the links to work either. Anybody have any suggestions? Let me know please!
Lord, thank you for the friends that we have made through church and going on retreat. Thank you for the friends I have made through blogging. Your blessings on me and my family are too numerous to count and I am grateful. Thank you for you the gift of your Son.
Have you made friends through blogging? Isn’t it incredible how we can develop relationships with people we have never met…they become prayer warriors with us on this incredible journey we call LIFE.
Mary, You are too sweet. Thanks for all the time you devoted to me yesterday! You are a great teacher! I see your links are working just fine! Thanks for the gift of your friendship. We love you over here.
And BTW, I love Kathlee's blog as well, but it won't let me post there for some reason. Apparently, Kathleen's blog is a much better judge of character…..
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.
The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner
The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.
I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!
And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!
Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!
She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.
Born 6-9-1992
Died 6-12-1992
Buried 6-16-1992
That would be 31 years ago today.
Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.
This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.
I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.
I took a walk.
Got a pedicure.
Cried.
And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.
And I give myself permission to do nothing else.
I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.
John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.
I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.
A loss is a loss.
Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The relationships.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
Mary, You are too sweet. Thanks for all the time you devoted to me yesterday! You are a great teacher! I see your links are working just fine! Thanks for the gift of your friendship. We love you over here.
Glad that you are starting to feel at home here! And I'm also glad that you came on that retreat! Love the blog.
And BTW, I love Kathlee's blog as well, but it won't let me post there for some reason. Apparently, Kathleen's blog is a much better judge of character…..