Last Friday I mentioned finding Amy’s bonnet and how Andy came in and saw the box. Yesterday, before he left the house to run some errands he asked if he could do anything for me.
“Mom, do you need me to pick anything up? Need me to do anything for your?”
“No. I’m good. Thanks.”
“Well, I know June is a hard month. Just let me know if you need something.”
June is a hard month.
I am moody.
And I cry. A LOT.
But I still wouldn’t trade 4 days for no days. I would not trade nine plus months of misery (my body and pregnancy never got along well!) and all the time in the hospital to not have had the privilege of holding her…even if it were just a short while.
I believe God uses ALL of our life experiences to teach us something. To mold us into the beings he wants us to be. I also have found that because of my life experiences I have been able to minister to others who have had similar experiences…whether they be family, friends or people I don’t know. I have had pastors, ministers and friends call and ask if I will call a mom that has lost a child or would John and I be willing to meet with a couple going through a similar experience. Every time…I or we have been blessed by the encounter. EVERY TIME.
You see, HE gave me Amy…to be mine for a short time. To teach me about caring.
About sorrow.
About joy.
About trials.
About letting go.
About saying yes…yes, Lord, I know you are in control and will lead me through this.
Yes, Lord I know the way is dark and I am too weak to walk…I know you will carry me.
So, I let go. I give my burdens to Him. He holds my hand or he carries me…either way, I let him lead and I make it through.
Remembering Amy…20 years later.
Your strength never ceases to amaze me. Sending hugs your way today.
Thanks, Kathleen. My strength comes from above!
What a beautiful honest post of the joy, the sorrow and the lessons. I love it that you meet with other mothers that have lost children. What a comfort that would be.
(I have always loved the name Amy.)
Thank you Glenda. We chose the name before she was born, after she was born it was so fitting because she was so tiny.
oh so intense and sad, yet also so renewing that you can help others deal with the same pain you went through. We may never know why, till we see Jesus and maybe … just maybe when that happens… we won't want to ask anymore.
Sending lots of prayers your way. Whether 20 minutes or 20 years, pain is still pain *hugs*
Wow – what an incredible post!!! I have never had to say goodbye to this degree, although I have two angel babies, I lost them very early on. I honestly cannot imagine how hard this must be, and yet – your attitude is such an example to us all about how we ought to approach pain and painful situations. Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a kind comment. I pray you are blessed.
Rosilind
A Little R & R http://jukiczr.blogspot.com
How tender. Hugs for this experience and your honesty in sharing. He is carrying you.
Praying for you during this difficult month, especially these next few days!
It's hard to answer why we have to go through rough times. We can only offer our suffering up to Jesus. Big hugs to you during this month!
Oh my goodness, Mary…you are amazing. This post is beautiful.
Thanks, Mary.
Lifting you up this month, Mary. My sister lost her daughter, and there's no sharper grief.
Hugs from VA,
Susan
Thank you, Susan. I feel the hugs!
A hard month, indeed. But Mary, thanks so much for sharing it with us. We need to hear this – to know there is hope, even in the hard places. You live with such strength; you're an encouragement to us all!