Last Friday I mentioned finding Amy’s bonnet and how Andy came in and saw the box. Yesterday, before he left the house to run some errands he asked if he could do anything for me.
“Mom, do you need me to pick anything up? Need me to do anything for your?”
“No. I’m good. Thanks.”
“Well, I know June is a hard month. Just let me know if you need something.”
June is a hard month.
I am moody.
And I cry. A LOT.
But I still wouldn’t trade 4 days for no days. I would not trade nine plus months of misery (my body and pregnancy never got along well!) and all the time in the hospital to not have had the privilege of holding her…even if it were just a short while.
I believe God uses ALL of our life experiences to teach us something. To mold us into the beings he wants us to be. I also have found that because of my life experiences I have been able to minister to others who have had similar experiences…whether they be family, friends or people I don’t know. I have had pastors, ministers and friends call and ask if I will call a mom that has lost a child or would John and I be willing to meet with a couple going through a similar experience. Every time…I or we have been blessed by the encounter. EVERY TIME.
You see, HE gave me Amy…to be mine for a short time. To teach me about caring.
About letting go.
About saying yes…yes, Lord, I know you are in control and will lead me through this.
Yes, Lord I know the way is dark and I am too weak to walk…I know you will carry me.
So, I let go. I give my burdens to Him. He holds my hand or he carries me…either way, I let him lead and I make it through.
Remembering Amy…20 years later.