In the midst of the mess, I stop to give thanks…stop to wait…
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
312. friendly reminders that good enough, IS good enough.
313. peaceful sleep.
314. work projects completed.
315. friends that listen.
316. a light bulb moment.
317. kitchen floor that got washed.
318. trying to accept that age “50” will be OK.
319. learning to move beyond the past.
320. a Lord that hears my prayer.
321. for quiet time in the morning.
324. peace and understanding.
325. the hope I have in Him.
Lord, thank you for the patience you have with me. I am your child and you are so careful with me. How many times does do I have to be reminded that You are sovereign and that You are in control? Thank you for holding my hand as well as my heart. The blessings in my life far out-weight the troubles, please help me to focus on the good, instead of the bad, the peace, instead of the chaos, the joy instead of the sorrow. Thank you for your Son and the gift of eternal life. Bless my family Lord, those reading this blog and those that need you in a special way.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
I love this scripture…it gives me peace in the midst of my chaos, quiet in the midst of my loud and joy in the midst of my sorrow. As I shared here, I am having some struggles with my upcoming birthday…but I am trying to work through it. I have SO many blessings in my life, I am trying to remember them and not lose sight of the fact that He is so good to me…even as I approach a BIG birthday!
Lord, again, thank you for what you have done for me, what you are doing in my life and for what you will do…I trust that in You the best is yet to come.
I hope you have a blessed day. On Mondays I try to participate in the gratitude community over at Ann’s place…it is a read well worth your time! Hop on over….
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In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.
My heart still hurts.
I cry at random times.
And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.
I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.
The life events.
Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.
Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.
If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.
I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.
As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.
I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.
Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.
I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.
I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity. And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.
The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.
If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.
Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.
"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss." Blood From a Stone Adam McHugh Page 102
Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.
She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.
There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.
I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.
Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8
If I learned anything from this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13
When I tell people that I am a VA (Virtual Assistant) often they want to know what I DO. And I tell them that I mostly deal with details. Managing the things (details) that creative people do not see themselves as “good at.” Budgets, remembering dates, creating schedules and timelines, gathering data and information, making sure they get paid, etc. A few years ago, I took on my first social media influencer client. And after working for 5 years with only faith-based clients, social media was a different world! I learned how to navigate that world and now my social media clients are among my favorites. In fact, I let go of most of my other clients to allow more time to work with the influencers. One of the faith-based clients I kept is @kriscamealy of @refineretreat
I have known Kris for 10 years and worked with her on Refine for, I don’t know…maybe 6. Kris recognizes the importance of rest and soul-care that enables us to create better and more meaningful content. Allows us to be more present for our families, clients, and our businesses.
Whether we are writing in our journal, painting on a canvas, creating paid content for a social media outlet, sitting at a pottery wheel, whatever the creative outlet we must tend to our souls. We must rest. We must learn to pause.
#Soulcare is not optional in this world in which we live. We must learn to stop so that we are able to go. We can run at a break-neck, full-tilt speed for a while but at some point, we will crash.
If you are looking for a way to slow down and take a weekend to care for yourself and your soul, check out @refineretreat. Maybe Refine isn’t for you. That is ok. But if you think this only applies to faith-based work, check out @lindsaynead ‘s post from April 19. Lindsay is an amazing businesswoman and she recognizes the power of slowing down. Of stopping. Of resting. She took a break and found herself better for it.
Leroy left us today. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I miss him so much. Some early photos are in my stories. He was THE BEST DOG! And he had a good life. He was SPOILED rotten. At times I think @coach_andy_bonner thought Leroy was treated better than Andy when he was home.
Hello Mary, I love your list! So much to be grateful for-what wonderful reminders. Let me say that I've found turning 50 to be just great. I had mine 7 years ago now but it feels like yesterday lol! Be not afraid!! All will be well 🙂 blessings..Trish
ahhh, 312 is so important to remember!
Mary, I forgot to answer your query about the snow. I live in Australia and though we are in Spring now, we had a cold snap 2 days ago which brought us late snow! I love it 🙂 Thanks for your kind comment..many blessings again..Trish
Our preacher gave the best sermon yesterday about the chaos around us–Romans 8 of course–perseverance in the midst of chaos is what builds our character and makes us more like Jesus–can you imagine what we would be like if everything went well all the time? We would grow fat and sassy.
His peace is what saves us during these times–thank God for His peace. Praying for you, dear friend, that you have a blessed week and that we grow in grace amidst our sorrows, troubles, and chaos.
Great list and I love your scripture.
The turning fifty thing…YOU CAN DO IT! And with gusto! I'm 53, so you're just a spring chicken!
Blessing this week!
Learning to move beyond the past…oh how this struck a chord in me this morning. I am walking this journey. Moving forward, not staying tangled with the past. Thank you Mary.
Ooooh! I love lightbulb moments too! Great list.
Rachymommy – MommyTopics.com
Your words resound with me.
Number 325 is something I'm holding close to my heart at the moment.
Great list 🙂
I'm in a time of waiting, too, Mary. I join you in giving thanks for hope during the wait.
Great list, Mary!