Sharing a meal…

by Mary Bonner | Feb 22, 2012 | Uncategorized | 9 comments

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship,

to the
breaking of bread and to prayer.

Acts 2:42

For the record, I couldn’t post yesterday morning…blogger just WOULD NOT load properly. Finally, last night I downloaded Google Chrome and I am posting via that browser…is it a browser?

My family has been blessed with the gift of some friends with whom we are in a family prayer group. I have mentioned this group in this space before. We meet monthly and families are invited…not just the adults. There is something very special about seeing kids ranging from 3 on up sitting quietly for prayer. AND…if you count my son, almost 24, there are 31 kids in the prayer group. For obvious reasons, John and I do not host this group. We are just not equipped for small kids anymore. So…a couple of times a year we will host an adults only night. Around Valentine’s Day we host a wine and food pairing dinner and in the summer we host a bar-b-que. Last Saturday night was our wine dinner.

I have to tell you…I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE having a party. And I go all out for this dinner party…this year I did something new. My place cards were shortbread cookies…

I love setting a table…

And those bags in the chairs with the tissue paper…those are gift bags for the ladies. The bags included Bath & Body shower gel & lotion, a tea light candle and a pair of fuzzy, soft slipper socks.

John & I choose several foods and pair them with wines. This year we served Toasted Parmesan Rounds with a Chardonnay, French Onion Soup with a Merlot, Rigatoni Bolognese with a Chianti and a first for us…White Chocolate Creme Brulee with a dessert wine. It was amazing that the sweet dessert wine is just that sweet…so sweet that I cannot taste the fruit – UNTIL – you take a bite of a sweet dessert, then sip the wine and viola…you can taste the fruit in the wine. You can see pictures of the food here. Kathleen took pictures and I am glad, because once the party got started, I got side-tracked with serving, etc. and I forgot to take pictures.

We are really blessed to have these people in our lives. After I returned from my trip back to my former home I realized that what I really missed wasn’t “home” it was “girl time.” Time spent with women…much has been written about the need for community and especially how WOMEN need the community of other women. I have no time in my life that I spend with “just the girls.” Once I realized that is what was missing, I e-mailed the women in this prayer group, explaining what I needed and guess what?!? That all responded favorably and we scheduled a night to get together.

Lord, I am so very thankful for this group of people. I am thankful for the opportunity to have a gathering and have sweet fellowship with this group. Thank you for the gift of your son and the unity that I feel with this group because of the sacrifice on the cross.

I hope you have wonderful friends in your life and that the Lord has blessed you with an abundance of his grace…

Blessings~~

9 Comments

Kathleen on February 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Saturday was such a special night! You are the perfect host, and an even better friend. Looking forward to "girl time" too. Oh, and I ate Bill's cookie 🙂
Reply
Nancy on February 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Hi Mary,
What a labor of love..You can tell you put so much effort and thought into this special time together with your prayer group adults..I know they really appreciated all your work and making it such a special time for them…

I know what you mean about special girlfriend time. Sometimes it seems so hard to work it in but I find if I don't i can get really cranky…It seems God has blessed you with a very special group of gal friends….He is always looking after our every need…

Hugs and blessings,
Nancy
Reply
Dianne on February 22, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Wow! I hopped over to look at the food and it looked amazing–

The picture of you and John is so cute–

Wish I was there to do "girl night" with you.

Love you dear friend,
D.
Reply
GLENDA CHILDERS on February 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I love anight of good friends and good food. So happy for you, Mary, that you have this group. And your dinner looks so delicious.

Fondly,
Glenda
Reply
Thoughts for the day on February 23, 2012 at 5:10 am

How fun and I would have never thought to make a 'name card' out of an edible cookie. great dessert idea.
Reply
Mary Bonner on February 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm

The cookie place card was an idea I saw at a wedding reception about 10 years ago. I thought it was so cool!!
Reply
mary333 on February 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Sounds like a great night, Mary! I read about it over at Kathleen's site too and couldn't help but think how blessed you all were to have this group.

You know what's funny (or maybe not so funny) is that it's hard to get people to pray together like this up here in NH. I've never quite understood why. It really is a tremendous blessing to have a prayer group like yours and I'm glad you all enjoy one another's company so much.

Hmmm…maybe I need to move? Lol! Oh, right, I just did! God bless!
Reply
mary333 on February 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

And Kathleen's a little sneak, isn't she? While everyone thought she was taking pictures she was sneaking cookies 😉 At least you'll be on to her tricks next year…lol.
Reply
Rebekah from Simply Rebekah on February 26, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Oh my word! I want to be at that party! A cookie with my name on it?? A goodie bag??? Food that sounds amazing??? YES PLEASE!! I'll take 1 of everything!

Now you've inspired me… A girls night must happen in my near future.

PS. We met at Relevant (can I still call it that???) and I'm only NOW going through my collection of business cards.
Reply

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In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn`t post it because I didn`t like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I`m reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I`m grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I`m grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

May 9

Open

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, those young 20 somethings were married for 41 years.

The second photo was taken last year on our 40th anniversary. I didn't post it because I didn't like the way my legs looked. Something happened in the last year and I'm reminded that those legs have carried me for 62 years (when the photo was taken). Carried me through 3 pregnancies that gifted me with one living child, @coach_andy_bonner

The last photo was taken on Tuesday as we sat on the beach and a lady walked by and said, "would you like me to take your picture?" We said yes. Time with John is still one of my favorite things. He retired on Friday, before we left on Monday for this trip. There are so many unknowns but so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to in the next stage.

I'm grateful for my clients that give me something to do every day Monday-Friday. @christiepurifoy @kriscamealy @bekah @whatlolalikes @abby_roadhome & to the wonderful team @parkermanagement-you guys all make my life so fun!

And I'm grateful for time at a place like this. Sand and water...not sure there is anything better!

Happy Anniversary Week to my love that is not on ANY social media channel!

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I`ve cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy`s short life.

I`ve tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I`ve experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 16

Open

She died 4 days after she was born. We buried her 4 days after she died.

Born 6-9-1992

Died 6-12-1992

Buried 6-16-1992

That would be 31 years ago today.

Last year, on the 30th anniversary of her birth we re-buried her on the grounds of St. Emma Monastery Greensburg, PA where her paternal grandparents are buried.

This year, today has been harder than Friday, June 9 the day she was born. Or Monday, June 12 the day she died.

I've cried more today than either of the other days.

I took a walk.

Got a pedicure.

Cried.

And chose a simple dinner of appetizers.

And I give myself permission to do nothing else.

I am thankful for the time we had her. For the experience and the things I learned about myself through the experience.

John and I are very conscious of what we say yes to and what we say no to. All because of Amy's short life.

I've tried to use my experience to help others experiencing infant loss-or any loss. Some things are the same no matter the age of the deceased. Even if it is a loss thru miscarriage. I've experienced that too.

A loss is a loss.

Thank you to my sister and niece @sherrigd @tarahelise for letting us spend last weekend on your porch crying, laughing, and drinking wine and margaritas. I love you guys more than you know and I really needed that.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn`t happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don`t be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Jun 9

Open

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it is 31 years later. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

My heart still hurts.

I cry at random times.

And I miss her. Still. 31 years later.

I grieve all the things that didn't happen.

The relationships.

The life events.

Strangely though there are fewer tears today. Sometimes I think my tears are all gone. The well is dry.

Lack of tears does not mean lack of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. So I accept my emotions today-whatever they may be.

If you know someone that has experienced a loss, don't be afraid to tell them you remember. Let them know you care. Take a meal, send a text, write and snail mail a card. We want to know our loss is not forgotten.

#infantloss #trisomy18 #stlouischildrenshospital #grief

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I`m willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother`s Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy`s death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh`s book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won`t be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

Apr 2

Open

Today is Palm Sunday.

I cried in church. Not because I was thinking about the events leading up to the crucifixion but because there was a little girl of about 5 or so sitting in front of me. She had the most gorgeous dark hair. With streaks of gold running through it. Natural streaks. Not the artificial colored streaks I pay more than I'm willing to share to get every few months.

As I observed her I thought about my own daughter. The one that died at 4 days old.

I thought of how she might be standing next to me this morning or next Sunday on Easter. Maybe she would have travelled to Charlotte to spend some time with her dad and me.

Grief is something that robs us of so much. It robs me of not just my daughter but it robs me of being the mom of a daughter.

I look at some of my closest friends, all mothers of daughters and I envy, yes ENVY!, the relationships they all have with their daughters. They may not agree with them on all things or see eye-to-eye with them but the daughters lead the charge to throw surprise 60th birthday parties for their parents or make sure that mom gets a Mother's Day card, a birthday card, etc.

I think daughters are different than sons. Daughters are more sensitive than sons based on my observations as an outsider. I do not experience that sensitivity.
And I grieve the fact that I am not the mother of a daughter.

The version of me before Amy's death is totally different than the me that is here now.

If you want to read more about about my daughter, Amy, you can go to https://marybonner.net/?s=Amy and read more about my journey through infant loss and moving forward.

Adam McHugh's book Blood From a Stone is a beautiful piece of writing about returning from the dead. I encourage you to check it out. You can find the book on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Find and follow him @adammchughwine You won't be sorry.

"Grief is so agonizing not only because you have lost something, but you have lost someone, and that someone is the version of you that was alive before your loss."
Blood From a Stone
Adam McHugh
Page 102

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Aug 6

Open

@coach_andy_bonner made me a mom. His wife, Ashley, made me a mother-in-law. Happy Anniversary to them! 6 years and counting. Dad and I love you!

Every June I think I`m going to handle this better. Whatever better looks like - I don`t know. 30 years and I still cry at random times. And every June I fall apart.

She would have been 30 next week. Instead of whisking her off for a 30th birthday trip to Key West like we did for her brother @coach_andy_bonner or Niagara Falls like we did for his wife we will make another kind of trip.

There will be a mass next Saturday and we will stand at a grave site as we move her body from the small town where she was buried to a final resting place by her paternal grandparents on the beautiful grounds of St Emma Monastery in Greensburg, PA.

I look forward to the weekend and I dread it all at the same time.

Today I broke down and sobbed. Just like yesterday. And probably will tomorrow. But I remember that He catches my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8

If I learned anything from
this life experience, it is this: I can do hard things. But not of my own strength. Philippians 4:13

And live to tell about.

Amy Elizabeth Bonner
Jun 9, 1992 - Jun 12, 1992

#infantloss #psalm56
#trisomy18 #philippians413 #childloss #infantlosssurvivor