Yesterday I said that I had gone on retreat and the Lord spoke to me.
What I didn’t say was that I really didn’t like all that he said.
He told me part of the reason the words have not been coming.
He told me part of the reason I have been having a pity party.
He told me part of the reason that I have been avoiding this space.
Yes, avoiding. AVOIDING this space. Trying to tell myself that no one really cares if I write or not.
That no one would miss me if I stopped completely and never wrote another word.
He came to me in a small room…just the two of us. I sat quietly. I prayed.
I said, “Lord, I will do whatever you want me to do with this space. Just tell me. PLEASE tell me.”
I think I was hoping he would say, “Let it go.” But he didn’t.
What he told me was, “Daughter, it doesn’t matter if no one reads another word you write. I want you to write it. I want you to write what I tell you to write, when I tell you to write it, then I want you to let it go. Do not worry if no one comments. Do not worry if no one says your words touched them. If you write what I tell you, when I tell you to write, then they are really not your words anyway. They belong to me.”
You see, my responsibility is to do what he says.
His responsibility is to fertilize the words, to make them grow and to use them…for his honor and his glory.
You see, if I write what he tells me to write, then I just need to let it be.
In his capable hands. To do with what he wants. To bless as he sees fit.
This will not be an easy process for me.